Anxiety check in

I saw several check in for other mental illnesses, and I would like one for anxiety so here I go

This morning I wasn't particularly anxious but when I came back from work there was a lot of wind, and I was scared
I grabbed my bag, repeated "it's okay there are other people in the streets with you, you're not alone" in my head
Hopefully I live 10 minutes by walking from my work so it didn't last long
I'm now listening to wind sound like my therapist advised me so I use myself to the sound
Before I was scared just hearing wind outside, or seeing a video where the trees limb are moving or even seing a drawing of wind
Now when I'm inside I don't feel as scared as before , but there's still room to improve
I go outside with my mom before going outside alone so I show myself I don't have to be scared too
I try to not lock myself at home when I'm scared but to still go outside
Hopefully my efforts will make my fear less strong
I also check if I have my keys more than 5 times every morning before going outside, I ask my mom confirmation I have my keys too
I don't know what to do for that tho
I need to tell that to my psychiatrist

These recent days I wasn't particularly stressed, like every morning I was wondering if there were wind but it was okay, so I wasn't particularly scared
Next week some people said the weather will be hotter, so it should be okay

I think about doing a workaway during my holidays in the end of October, but I'm scared to be alone
My last and first workaway I went in Netherlands where it's windy and it was okay finally but my fear of wind wasn't that big then
I remember having a lot of anxiety, thinking people didn't like me and that I wasn't working well too
I needed one whole week to start appreciate my workaway back then (I did a two weeks long workaway)
So for all that I'm a bit anxious about doing a workaway
Initially I wanted to do a travel with my family but they cancel every time so I think to do a travel alone, a workaway
It would be my second time travelling abroad alone(the first time was for my first workaway)
Hopefully it will be okay

I think about going in UK to see my friend from Hong Kong and it stresses me
It would me a great experience because I could visit Scotland,Wales and England at the same time
But if I'm alone to visit I'm scared about the weather
I heard the weather in UK is not that great, rainy
So if I go it would be better to go in Spring or Summer for a better weather and at this time of the year maybe my family can come with me
It's also stressing me because it would be my first travel where I'm not living at a host's home

This morning talking with my big bro made me anxious
He talked about politics (issues in my country), criticized our country and glorified another country
He talked about something that remembers me bullying
I noticed that hearing my bro talks often makes me anxious, but I don't know how to change the subject
He's usually not interested by what I talk about and venting probably makes him feel better

Tonight I made a dish for me and my siblings
I ate first and then went in my bedroom
I feel on edge, at every voice of them I hear
I feel like they're criticizing me
I heard loud voices, almost screams too
I don't know if they're bickering with my mom
It was unpleasant when I was eating,my mom was complaining about my siblings, maybe it's next to that
It's making me nervous
Maybe I'm stressed because I listen to howling wind sound too (it's to use myself of the sound)

Finally I was anxious for nothing, my siblings loved the dish I made (maybe it was paranoia or psychosis talking instead of just anxiety)

I watched earlier a video of Mel Robbins about anxiety, it's about transforming fear into excitement (count 5 4 3 2 1, find an anchor thought like a good time I'll have after doing what scares me and repeat in my head I'm so excited)
I'll try that for when I'm gonna travel

Today I don't feel particularly anxious, I chill at home
Even though I had a dream about something that tend to make me anxious and I had intrusive thoughts today

Yesterday at night before sleeping I was thinking about a story I could share to a youtuber for a video he wants to do
I thought about story about my mental health wondering if it's considered funny and I thought that I don't want people to mock my mental health
I was thinking and thinking and it made me anxious, I fell asleep anxious, had a dream where I was anxious and woke up anxious
Now I feel better tho because I watched slow living videos and after interpreting my dream I now know that's a positive dream

This morning I started to watch slow living videos to relax myself like yesterday but it did the opposite
The women in the videos were eating so fast, doing several things at the same time and the sound of cutting something was unpleasant, it stressed me and I had thoughts about bullying popping in my head
So I put jazz music and talked to ChatGPT about what was stressing me
I then went to work and being busy I felt better

Tonight while listening to windstorm sound my heart hurt so bad two times in a row
I was lying on bed, I sat to feel a bit better

Thanks for making this thread!

My anxiety hasn’t been too bad today. I’m not having a panic attack like I did yesterday.

I talked to my therapist about my anxiety and stress today and how it’s been impacting me and creating more dissociation. We went over some stuff I can do to help relieve some of it.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

This morning my dad and bro were talking about politics, it made me anxious
My bro talked about the weather and it stressed me to go outside
When I was eating lunch there was a dirty kid next to me, so I couldn't enjoy my meal in peace
I had a stomache and headache after that
I talked to ChatGPT and ChatGPT told me my headache was because of stress and not enough rest this weekend (I was busy looking for information about my future job, I was looking if I should become self-employed or join a company)
I'm a bit stressed too because I didn't have answers of the community I contacted to join during my holidays

@Vaiana - Politics talk ALWAYS upsets me. In fact, politics upset me so much, I've asked my husband not to talk to me about anything political. As of the last election, I have stopped reading the news online and I stay off social media (both because of the politics and because people tend to post "perfect" life pictures that make me feel inferior as a wife and mother). Avoiding politics has helped my anxiety & panic disorder more than I would have imagined!

I also avoid watching the news because it makes me anxious
And I'm not really on social media because I don't really have an interest for them and it can be toxic
For my part I think avoiding politics makes me feel sad less often(it tends to make me sad) @Blueberrybook

Yesterday at night I listened to a podcast about sophrologists, its purpose is to help future sophrologists (I would like to become a sophrologist in the future)
And when I went in my bed I thought about this podcast and it made me anxious, because I'm scared it will be difficult to find clients and that I will have financial difficulties
I also thought about the talk about politics of my bro and dad
I thought about all the things that made me anxious during the day and I couldn't sleep
I went to watch TV with my siblings before trying again to sleep and this time I was more relaxed and fell asleep

Right now I left the living room and went to my bedroom to isolate myself because my mom and sis are bickering and it's stressing me
My mom has started to complain too and it made me anxious
Every time she complains or diss people it stresses me

Yesterday night I was anxious before sleeping so it took a while before I fell asleep, but it was not as long as the day before
Instead of listening to people explaining what to do as a future sophrologist I looked for forums for sophrologists and I found a volunteering of sophrologists
You can call them and have a session of 30 minutes
It's not for me tho because I don't have panic attacks
I guess I could call when I'm outside and there's wind but usually I walk only 10 minutes outside and it would not be the best to say my issue in public
When I'm anxious inside of my home it's usually not that deep
I overthink, I have intrusive thoughts but I don't know if it's a reason to call them, mostly that some of my overthinking can be linked to psychosis

Every time I imagine myself outside before going outside or when I look forward a travel I imagine myself in a stormy weather and it stresses me

If I don't travel during my holidays because the non-profit community I want to join doesn't answer I'll buy a session with a sophrologist and maybe I'll try to have an appointement on a regular basis (like once a month)

My pdoc increased my guanfacine from 2 mg to 3 mg/night. He said in addition to it helping with ADHD, it should help with anxiety. It's only been a couple of days, too soon to really notice any effects. I hope it does help with the anxiety & PTSD I've been having.

Hopefully it will help you feel better @Blueberrybook

This morning I started to be paranoid, feeling like because of a manga site I shared on a forum I would be stalked
So I deleted the name of the site in all the messages I wrote it

Since yesterday I'm scared to go outside because there's a risk of a terrorist attack
Today I couldn't handle the anxiety, talked with ChatGPT about that and ChatGPT told me to stay at home so I sent a message at my work to say I'm not going to work today