Manic?

I got up early yesterday at six because I had that allergy appointment. Then I went to bed at midnight and woke up at 4:30 tossing and turning. Finally I called Caleb at 5:30 (he works early). I drove to Panera and sat in the parking lot in the dark for 20 minutes waiting for the store to open at 6. I ordered a bagel with cream cheese and got a decaf coffee but I’m still wide awake! I have therapy on zoom in 2 hours. I’m not used to zoom therapy but for some reason I can’t go to see her in person. Should I tell my case manager to tell my Pdoc about this? My next appointment isn’t for 11 more days. I don’t want my meds increased because every time we do that I get more/worse side effects.

It is definitely something you should tell your case manager to relay to your pdoc. I'm not sure but do you overspend when manic? If so, think of how much damage you can do to your bank account in 11 days? I overspend when manic, and I know my bank account really takes a hit, and that causes MAJOR arguments with my H.

I already racked up my credit card last month. I just got my deposit and need to pay my bills today. I can’t spend that money!

How concerned do you feel about this? If you really analyze yourself right now, are there any symptoms you see that tend to show up right before mania? How quickly do you tend to escalate?

I mean, honestly if I didn't sleep well one night I'd give it another night and see if I still felt I didn't need the sleep before reaching out (I usually have sleeping issues and my manias take up to a week before things become any sort of real problem), but if I chatted with someone from my team I would definitely mention it, or if you have other concerning symptoms or spiral quickly it'd be good to reach out.

Maybe I just had too much on my mind and that’s why I didn’t sleep much last night.

I contacted my case manager about this and she said she’d tell Pdoc but neither of them got back to me. I’m worried about tonight’s sleep- or rather lack thereof.

Hopefully you sleep tonight.

My case manager said she relay my message to my pnurse practitioner but neither one got back to me today. I feel uncared for.

How you doing/how'd you sleep last night?

I slept all night last night and feel back to normal! Like I said I had a lot on my mind the other night.

Moose, I have never seen you post so many different threads in a quick succession on here. For me, I write way too much when manic. Somehow this is not talked about in modern DSM symptom lists, but early 20th century books about manic depressive illness do mention that.

Look up hypergraphia

I DEFINITELY get hypergraphia when manic! It's really bad, not just on this forum. Constant texting and writing physical notes and lists and leaving them all over the place, filling spiral notebooks, it's like I can't stop writing. In fact, I'm wondering a little about this morning; hopefully it's just having coffee that has speeded me up.

Hypergraphia is all too real. I think I recorded writing through 30 pages in a journal in a day. I won't say for me personally it's a hard indicator because I do just like to write and play with thoughts and ideas, and I do have a habit of texting a gazillion people a lot if my attention-*****ness is uncontrollable (not related to mania), but there's just a specific nature of manic hypergraphia I'm not sure how to explain. I think it's that there's less of the enjoyment of the thought process or trying to communicate and more "I HAVE to get this down," or "I HAVE to get this out."

I reported suspected mania to my case manager.

@Blueberrybook
@MuddyBoots

I see where you are going trying to distinguish writing a lot when manic and when not. For me, there is a difference and sometimes even the structure of my writing shifts a whole lot. I like to write, but when at baseline, I write in fairly short paragraphs, can make a list of bullet points, etc. Whereas in mania and especially if anxiety is also in the mix, I would email literally walls of disorganized text. No paragraphs, no structure.

I also occasionally wrote rhyming poetry when manic but I cannot do it at baseline. Somehow my mind speeds up enough in mania to make those word connections that create rhymes. That ability I actually regret losing when I return to baseline.

@Moose72 I hope you survive this weekend without a worsening and get better soon.

I’ve been alone all day. Nobody around to visit with. But hopefully tomorrow I’m going out for breakfast with a friend I haven’t seen in months.

My writing whole manic has alpt of typos bc my bra in can’t slow down

I hear that. The divergent thinking can be exciting when it makes sense. But if I'm going to be connecting such seemingly unrelated thoughts, I better make sure I stick the landing because one misjudgement can really send me off the rails, when manic.

Several months ago I went to Peru on a whim, purchased the ticket the night before, no real plan, no money.

The only thing that stopped my search for a job in Peru was drinking, drugs, and writing two, thousand word erotic stories on Literotica.

After going back on the antipsychotic, I can focus on things that are more important to me. And having a clear head, and that couple more seconds of thinking before making a rash decision, is very nice.

Only thing is life moves so slowly now. But I'm learning to enjoy it.

I am so hyper today! I texted my therapist friend so many times this morning then accused him of ghosting me! He wrote back “I do work, you know”! Oops. I apologized and said I was worried about what he thought when I told him I have a friend with benefits. I really don’t think it’s good for me emotionally. He didn’t reply which made my racing brain think he is mad at me about it. Ugh. Hyper texting and hypomania don’t mix!!

Talked with him. He’s not mad at me but wanted to know what happened. I said hypomania.

This is an email I sent to my friend. We’ve been writing for 21 years!

I learned something about myself today. Yesterday I typed so many texts to S. that he said "I do work you know!" Then later while we were texting he said "you're doing it again" when he stopped replying for a long time. I said "Where are you?" "You're doing it again ." He replied. He said he wasn't mad just pointing out a fact.

Talked with C. this morning and he said I do the same thing- call him umpteen times if he doesn't answer. It's an anxious feeling.

With you I just get a current topic I want to tell you about and want to get it down before I forget. So you end up with many emails. It must frustrate you to have to write back to so much. It's something I didn't realize I was doing until S. pointed it out. I was told recently on a bulletin board for bipolar people- we've all become friends. Recently someone said "Moose, I've never seen you post so many different topics at once!" Others said it's called hypergraphia where you can't stop texting and posting and writing in general. That made sense to me.

So forgive me if I've done this with our emails lately. It must be difficult to keep up with. I wouldn't want to scare you off. That and I've had a lot going on.

Hope this helps you understand my behavior.

I’ve been up since six. No nap. Not really tired but there’s no one to talk to. I feel like talking or texting but it’s too late even for posting here.

Still need to talk. Maybe I really am manic. I feel all alone. I talked for about six hours today all to the same person! Why isn’t that enough?!

Nobody likes me when I’m manic!

I do, hope you feel better soon.