Bipolar Check-in #83

We already hit 50 pages on the last check-in! Here's a new one.

I'll link to this on the old one and ask that the old one be closed.

So when everyone is telling you to relax. They're treating you like your manic but you can't keep your medicine down what are you to do? Im seeing my t weekly and pdoc every other week.

I’m in bed. Got blood drawn today. My prolactin and liver enzymes are good! Took a few months for the prolactin to go back down after risperdal made it really high.

I could get into pretty big trouble if something happens. My Pdoc would fire me and Idk if I'd end up IP if I needed to go to the ER or if I could make up some excuse like my pain really sucked. Which isn't even an excuse and not somethIng they'd put you in the psych hospital for I don't think.

I'm kinda getting pissed again because I want my therapists attention. She did email me and I do see her on Monday.

I keep hearing stuff too. Last night some cat got into a fight and it was so loud. But theres no like satanic ritual mark or anything.

I know I'm just talking out of my butt again

I think my new Pdoc thinks I’m crazy but he was nice to me

My flight was delayed, so was luggage but I'm back home now.

Since I was traveling alone I didn't have to converse with anyone so I put on my buds, turned on nose cancellation, and enjoyed the calm music. I had no idea until we landed that the flight was done.

@Blueberrybook Sorry I didn't respond to your post earlier. I'm very tired after getting only a few hours of broken sleep. Hoping tonight is better.


You're right, 12.5 mg of Seroquel isn't much. It's most just to take the edge off during the day if I need it without making me sleepy. But when I can't sleep I'll take anything. I've taken more than I'm supposed to once or twice but I'm hesitant to do that with Seroquel both because I'm not sure I'm allowed (I'm allowed to go over my gabapentin) and I don't want to keep upping the Seroquel dose until I'm actually "on Seroquel" again. Getting off it was hard and it wasn't working anymore when I went on clozaril. Clozaril is tough because I can't increase my dose because I get toxic levels if I'm on very much at all. But it works for me so having to deal with this bit of Seroquel is a compromise I can accept. I just don't want to be on several hundred mg of Seroquel.


I do get sedation from a bunch of meds. Gabapentin is probably my biggest sleepy med. Clozaril helps. Klonopin helps a lot. Topirimate may help some. I can't take any other ADs because I'm on an MAOI so I miss out on a lot of the easiest ways to get sedation. But mostly what I have works. I just have bad nights. They are usually occasional but I've had more lately. My anxiety level has been so high this summer. I'm hoping that now my therapist is back that will go down. It will also help to hear from my SSDI review. But that will be a while since I just sent it in.


Anyway, thanks for responding.

@raspberrytorte thanks. I think it's been about a month in the past too. I wish I could remember more. I guess I put these things out of my mind once they are over. Maybe this time I'll write it down somewhere.

@raspberrytorte When I was prescribed prozac, before my diagnosis, it triggered a mixed state. I'm currently on Wellbutrin. When I first started Wellbutrin, it really helped alleviate the depression symptoms I was having. But, when I tried a dose higher than what I'm on, it gave me worse irritability than some of the types I've been hypomanic. I actually haven't tried a lot of antidepressants. My first pdoc stopped them after I was diagnosed and Wellbutrin was the first one my current pdoc suggested.

My day long meeting didn't feel quite as long as I expected it to. I didn't study the subjects I currently teach in college, so I was really insecure during it. But, I also didn't agree with everything. I was clearly the minority though, so I didn't say anything.

I didn't have any SI today! What a relief. POTs fatigue really knocked me out though so I didn't do much once I got home. I got laundry in the washer and dryer, but won't be putting it away tonight. I just tried to rest up for a busy couple of days this weekend. I am going to need to set an alarm tomorrow because I have so much to do and have plans to see friends.

So I don't want to take my medicine. two more weeks of this is going to suck. I don't see the point in taking the medicine if I can't keep it down. I don't think I care for this pdoc. I'm already up to 5 pills a day again. I wish this **** would just work. I'm tired of switching medicine. I'm tired of calling my pharmacy because if I don't they take weeks to get to me.

Exhausted from visiting my 24 year old son today and having to pretend everything is okay … when I’m falling apart … I did enjoy physically seeing him and being in his presence it’s just tiring.

@Nammu, I definitely feel you on a pulled leg muscle! And it is SO irritating how stores put milk in the very back on purpose to make you have to walk past all the aisles in the hopes you will make spontaneous purchases. They don't take into account people who have trouble walking so far.

Now my hip feels better, I'm pretty sure in addition to that, I have a pulled groin muscle. The hip pain was so severe, I didn't even notice. So it means more rest. I looked it up online, and those things take awhile to heal, around a month for a type 1 strain which is what I think I have. It could be worse though, could be a type 2 or 3 strain which takes much longer to heal.

I slept around 7 hr. last night. My cat Pecan jumped on me the last hour or so I was sleeping, and I woke periodically then. But it was cute; she settled down purring on me. My anxiety is pretty high this morning though & I've already been dissociating some. I'm ready to get back to exercising, just walking but I definitely don't want to make things worse.

There was a family of raccoons in the dumpster today when I was taking out my trash. They were just sitting in there together, 3 of them, I ended up using the other dumpster so I didn’t bother them. I’ve never been that close to them before they are really beautiful

Do you think they'd be able to get out? If they can't, I'd call fish and game before trash day! They really are little cutie pies though.

Yes I think they’ll be able to get out, they were all full grown raccoons so no little ones , plus there’s a little window thing in the side you can put your trash in through that’s always open so they can get out through there easily because it’s a big opening. So they don’t have to climb out the top of the dumpster or anything. I wish I got a picture. God they are so cute

I hope that my new dr does t think I’m crazy. I told him a lot of crazy ****

Hi guys,
Been awhile since I've posted. I started working. In fact, I'm at work now. I'm such a pushover -- I have a hard time saying no. My best friend opened a car lot and asked me to work for him. That' s where this job comes into play. I'm the finance manager here. It's stressful and a lot of work on my end. I'm also the webmaster, IT guy, and troubleshooter for everything technological. My friend has tried to spin it so that it doesnt feel like pressure on me, but facts remain... there is stress and pressure on me. I'm the only one who can do my job, so I'm required all the dang time. working full time vs not working at all for 3 years is a huge shift that is hard to compensate for. There are moments I want to run out of the building and just not come back. It's just a lot sometimes.

At least I'm only working till 1pm today. It's slow but they insist on being open. I'm insecure about being able to man this position well -- but I have sold one car and I didn't make any grave mistakes. We got paid and took care of all the title/registration stuff.


My biggest concern is there is no one here to mentor ANY of us-- this is brand new to all of us. So, mistakes will happen.... and I'm really uncomfortable with it... but it gets better with time., I guess.

Other than that, I see my psychiatrist in person on Monday, but I didn't get a reminder or know what time the appointment is. I have to drive 1.5 hours away to see him, so it's kinda important to figure it out. they are closed on the weekend so I'm gonna be a bit stressed until I can get ahold of someone. Luckily I know it has to be in the afternoon because he doesn't come in before noon. We'll see I guess.


I oscillate between being OK and feeling like a complete basket case. I guess it's just how it is.

Thanks for reading.

I feel myself starting to dissociate. I’m hopeful it goes away. I slept last night from 8pm to 2:30am. Been up since then. It’s going on 12 in the afternoon now. Hoping to catch the dissociation before it really sets in and ground myself.

Ooohhhh what a dream. I can’t talk too much about the intense part because I don’t know how to make those bracket things to hide stuff. But it was a huge cast of people. We went to a fair where there were clothes to look though though most of the clothes were from the 60’s. I did find these long black gloves and a witch hat. Then we were in a high rent apartment I was so depressed and had a baby to look after, though I fobbed it off on others. I was a photographer or something artistic. My sister was there too and spent her time casting off the balcony. She caught flowers with her fishing pole. People were really oozing and auhing over her expertise with thee pole. There was much more but can’t write that.

My leg seems much better today, just a little sore. If I stay off it I’m sure it will be fine.

Seems my long day out yesterday lead to deep sleep. Maybe I need to get out more often?

Nothing happened after I took the Evail. I had some heartburn but I slept from 9-5 or so and I woke up feeling a lot better physically and feeling fine mental health. I don't even care if my therapist switches to telehealth anymore on Monday. So my weird feelings for her are gone. Why can't I just take the med. I swear my pdoc is overeacting. Zofran causes intense anxiety and irritation for me. And migraines which it says it might right on the bottle.

Anyways I don't have any plans today. I did a lot this week and next week I have stuff too. I did order groceries from Walmart.

@Nammu

To hide something, ie enclose in the trigger function, there is a shortcut in the edit box (the fonts, etc). It is the red circle x to the right. You hit it, and it sets you up to hide stuff.

It even puts the cursor at the right spot!

@Brentus good to hear from you! Great that you're able to work again too, even if it's stressful (that is a lot of duties to cover!). I'd hope that as time goes on and things get going, things will flow more smoothly. Practice makes perfect when it comes to saying no, too. Just sayin'

An alternative way if you don't want to go to the "more advanced" reply page (I don't know if anyone else feels the same, but sometimes that feels like more of a pain) is just typing [ TRIGGER ] (triggering content) [ / TRIGGER ] without the spaces

Trying to motivate my butt to go for a walk. It's beautiful out. I want to head to a more scenic area than the local park or around the area, but it's a bluebird Saturday in October in NH, and I'm not sure if seeing yellow/orange/red mountains is worth the millions of people around. I have spots in mind that are lesser known, but driving and parking in a lot of those places won't be fun. I want to get someone to come with me too, but no dice so far. Maybe I'll wait for midweek and head up solo. If I can organize myself and be awake I might even hike an easier mountain or hill. Sounds better.

I got some orders for x rays from my PCP yesterday. I was just writing about not being sure, but of course playing around with the finger in question and realized I can bend it further back than forwards and that's probably not a good sign. I don't know if they'd be able to actually do anything about it if it even was something that showed up on x ray so that makes me think it's kinda pointless.