I’m so depressed!

I had yet another allergic reaction! Went o the ER. The staff at the hospital were extremely nice. N2 yelled at me saying I go to the hospital for no reason. I am allergic to something where my throat closes up. I thought it was the gabapentin. Now I think it could be one of the dyes in the purple Gatorade I've been drinking a lot of. Er dr said to get a sooner appointment with my allergist. And to follow up with my primary doctor. All Caleb did was say mean accusing things to me via text! Past unfriendly. Downright mean. I said I was alone and needed support and he said I was guilt tripping him. So I said "**** off! You're just a fair weather friend!" Then I kept crying in the hallway. I've lost my friend. I was wrong about him and he showed his true colors tonight! The male nurse at least asked why I was crying. I felt so alone and unloved . I don't know what I'm allergic to and it's not my fault. I called Caleb because I thought he loved me only to find disdain and selfishness and hate! Christopher picked me up and was very kind and loving. Now I'm home and writing to you. You're a true friend! So is Christopher. Caleb is not. His true colors were shown tonight. I feel foolish for thinking he was my friend. And I'm sad I lost what I thought was my best friend. Allergic reactions are not my fault! Now I have to follow up with my primary doctor for yet another doctor appointment and pray my allergist can see me sooner than February which is my next appointment with him.

I’m so sorry you’re having such a rough time

I tried cleaning my apartment today. I got the overflowing trash out at least.

Are they giving you epinephrine? Can you get an epi-pen from your family dr before you see the allergist? I think my niece's was prescribed by her pediatrician.

I'm sorry to hear about Caleb and that you had another allergic reaction. That really sucks. I hope you can find out what you're allergic to. Why was Caleb so mean? What a jerk! 🫂 ❤️

Because I called him and he was already on a call he didn’t want get off of.

Now I think I caught hand foot and mouth disease from N3 or his gf ., she’s the one who had it but never went to the dr. All I know is all of my mouth inside has painful sores.

My longtime pen pal says it’s probably too much Gatorade and not enough water. Hyper potassium. That could explain the ulcers in my mouth and the purple color I’m probably allergic to! He suggested I cut back on the Gatorade and stop drinking the purple kind! As for Caleb he probably should’ve talked about his feelings instead of blowing up at me., I still think he said some very mean things and he’ll never apologize so he hurt me and didn’t care and I don’t need that in my life! No wonder he’s been divorced twice!

Here’s what I just sent to Caleb.

I have decided I do not care for your temper and mean spirited attitude. Your lack of caring and insistent bitter contempt while I was vulnerable and needed a caring ear is too much for me. I didn't know you are that mean! I see now exactly why you've been divorced twice! You chose to act that way you did and knew exactly how you were hurting me with each word you typed ! I was left to cry alone to strangers in public. I thought you loved me. I am hurt deeply and I mourn the loss of who I thought you were.

All I am doing today is crying in bed.

I'm so sorry Moose if you need a friend my message box is open

Caleb blocked me

Oh Moose. I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry. Moose. 😔

What I wrote to Caleb

Where was I? Having my 4th serious allergic reaction in the ER. My psych meds have been messed up for weeks. I’m facing ect. I was alone and upset and frustrated and feeling unloved. I didn’t know why I had anaphylaxis over and over. I cried all day today thinking you hated me and I’d never hear from you again. That’s just a fact not anything to do with guilt. So now I know I’m allergic to purple food dyes. I hate the hospital and had a male nurse come comfort me because I’m 52 sitting in the ER hallway and can’t stop crying in public. I don’t react well when people are mad at me. I think they’ll hate me forever and I get scared.

Restarted Vraylar tonight. Took Benadryl as directed by the ER doctor. I’m exhausted. It’s not even 7 and I want to go to sleep! Primary dr wants me to hold off on restarting Gabapentin. Benadryl will knock me out soon.

Hope things look brighter today.

Except Caleb keeps emailing me criticizing every thing I do! My pen pal is a better support! And we’ve never met but have been writing for 20 years!

Caleb is still criticizing everything about me! It's like I can't exist around him because I'll get criticized! It's like my finding out that it is the purple/blue dye causing the reactions instead of the meds is a fault of mine personally. It made sense it was the meds because it always happened about half an hour after I took the meds! So now Caleb feels free to say everything he wants to about "Let's tell Jennie everything we don't like about her!" And that makes me want to never talk with him again! Email after email! You have always supported me. Caleb says I'm helpless. Well anaphylaxis is a helpless feeling! Especially when you don't know the cause! In fact you need outside help for anaphylaxis! I was only getting professional input and those professionals said call 911. I was the one who figured out that it was the Gatorade! My doctor added that it's the blue/purple part that I'm allergic to. Even my primary says to still hold off on the gabapentin but restart Vraylar. And I can and have done that. I really don't feel love from Caleb. Just criticism. I am not perfect. It took a flash of intuition to figure out it's the Gatorade! And I don't know how long he will continue to criticize me. Who died and made him my boss?

I don't feel love from him at all. In fact he actually doesn't like me very much and I'm getting email after email to this effect!

am I helpless as he says? Yes! When I am having an allergic reaction. And Caleb doesn't understand that feeling. Stay here and die potentially or get help. It's just that it went on for so long! Nobody knew it was the food coloring.

I think my friendship with Caleb has come to an end.

I'm sorry, I'm glad it's not the medicine. I know you're Drs want you to do ECT next and that's scary.

Is your Vraylar the one in the purple capsule? If it is you might want to ask about that. I forget what med I was allergic to, but they put that I was allergic to the yellow dye in the capsule instead (which made no sense because I take other yellow pills and food with yellow dye fine, but whatever).

Right! We haven’t reintroduced the gabapentin yet but yeah. No ECT for now.

No it’s white!

Caleb and I made up.

Glad to hear it