Bipolar Check-In #91

Another fresh start!

I traded my markers and pencils for a switch for my h. They were nice they drove 2 hours away to come get them. I am never doing Facebook marketplace again.

Thank you. 🙏

We sure go though them fast!

And I'm glad of that! I don't know what I would do without this group of friends.

Yay a new thread!

I’m just enjoying listening to some music. Might watch more of Bridgerton later. I don’t have to be up early tomorrow and have literally nothing planned for the day so that’s nice

Thanks for the nice new shiny thread

My liver has been painful since the biopsy but there’s no internal bleeding. I went and got groceries but past that I really just stayed home and rested. The biopsy was Tuesday and my results came in but I don’t know what they mean. I tried looking up the words I didn’t know but it is no use. I’ll wait for my provider to explain it to me. Tomorrow I start the 600 gabapentin dose. Been on the 300 for a week. That’s what the Pdoc said to do. I called my primary’s office to make sure she knew about the med increases and the nurse on the phone said “you already called about this at 1:00…”! wtf?

Today went fast. Although, it feels like it should be later than 8 pm even though I slept in. I didn't do much today. Put some laundry away, did part of a workout video, scheduled some IV fluid appointments, and read some. I seem to have tweaked my left knee so I may need to take a break from the workout video. It's somewhat embarrassing: a week or so ago, all I did was adjust my knee while sitting with my feet up and there was a loud pop. There was a very small amount of pain that night but nothing major, and it hasn't swelled at all, but it has been bothering me on and off since then. Something is probably just a little over stretched. I have a compression sleeve I can wear as needed.

Finished teaching the last class for the day. I'm free Period 5 on a Friday afternoon. Let the weekend begin!!! (After my yard duty that is lol)

TMI (I apologize) but I am about to have my period any second. I'm irritable, fatigued, have had a low grade headache the past three days, and am bloated already. Not nauseous yet though thankfully.

That women's clinic my GP referred me to was supposed to call me. If they don't call me tomorrow I'm calling them. I NEED to see an OB/GYN. I feel like I'm going through old woman puberty or something. My period times are messed up and last longer. I feel like I'm going out of my mind with freaking PMS!!!! And it never used to be this way!

I'm going to start crying. I had a moment with my husband this afternoon where I was PMS wailing about how my body is changing and I hate being 42 and blah blah blah.

For some reason when my husband went to the pharmacy to pick up my meds for me this afternoon, they asked him if I was still on seroquel and loxapine together. Are you not supposed to be on both of them at once or something? I've been on both for the last three or four years!

The next med I'm going to try and come off of is seroquel. Obviously I need to stay on loxapine, but maybe I can get away without seroquel...

Ugh. Why am I even still trying? 🙄

Slept solidly for six hours! Yay! It's early ~ 3:00am but i'm going to allow myself to get up. I don't want to struggle struggle struggle in bed.

Anyways i have lots of chores to do. M is helping me with my laundry today. It's at a crisis-level there is such a heap of it. I've been throwing out my dirty clothes, sheets, towels, kitchen cloths, and buying new ones.

I haven't done laundry since last year. Now i have so much to do i am at a total impasse. It's hard to do multiple loads of laundry in this building because we only have one single washer and one single dryer on each floor.

If i have a lot to do, that means hours and hours using the machines on my own floor, or taking the elevator to other floors which is a hazard because it's easy to lose track of what is where and the timing is tricky and it's just all-around unpleasant and frustrating.

There are a few improvements i'll make this time. First and foremost, i'll have the help of an efficient friend who will support me thru it. I'll use my phone to note down the floors i am using. I'll use my excellent cart to transport the laundry as it's heavy and frustrating to carry it. I've got coins, detergent, and dryer sheets, and if i run out M will help.

It's coin-operated which is an obstacle as i never use cash, so staying stocked up in loonies and quarters is challenging. I so long for the proper laundry rooms that were in every rental building i ever lived in before here. I could go at dawn for opening of the laundry room and do eight loads at once and be done in 90 minutes flat, no fuss, no muss.

Now it's this incredible hassle!

Groan...

But it's going to be nice to have a wardrobe that is completely clean and have my pick of all the lovely clothes i've bought myself! Clean sheets, clean towels, clean dish cloths and dish towels ~ it's going to be Heaven on Earth!!!

Wish me luck!

(My dog is snoring in the other room! So cute, she's never done that before. I guess she feels it's too early to get up. Poor thing is getting old! So sweet tho!)

I fell asleep at 5:26 yesterday afternoon. I woke up at 8:45. I had a little bag of popcorn and then I got back to sleep until 3:30. I'm still tired so I might just go back to sleep. My fatigue has gotten decent enough that I can wake up at 8:30PM and drink some iced coffee and go to back to sleep easily.

My brother was really sick when I was born and I don't remember it. He got better after I turned 1. but I'll often get really frustated at him and not get why my mom does certain things. I wonder if things would be diffrent if I remembered when he was sick.

I have an appointment with my therapist at 8AM. I don't really have anything to talk about. I'm probably just going to end up wailing about how I hate getting old, and I just remembered I still have to get the dreaded mammogram. Ugh raspberry. Put your frickin big girl panties on and just schedule an appointment!

I'm just laying here, like a big slacker. I'm behind fifteen submissions for the ezine. I need to get caught up. And I just realized it's almost the end of the month and I'm going to need to get the July issue up. Ugh. Why do I do this to myself?

We're going to Summerfest on the fourth to see Spiritbox and Bad Omens. Most excited. 😊 Our daughter is coming along. She likes Bad Omens. We're spending the night and then going to the zoo the next day. Should be fun. The schedule at my husband's work just worked out where he has eleven days off in a row! Well, as long as no one calls in. So that's kind of nice. He needs a vacation!

I'm trying to stay off Facebook and mindlessly scrolling on my phone and instead novel plan, and so far it's going well. 😊 Hopefully I won't have another false start on this novel!

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! ❤️

Up to 5 pills at night, I really appreciate my psychiatrist. He listens, doesn't over react, he's fighting for a home nurse to give the long acting injection for me. He could have just said he can't work with me since I can't come in. He's the best psychiatrist I've had since WV and maybe better because I have less symptoms than I did in WV. The gabipentin makes the side effects worse, I'm actually tired now but I slept for 8 hours. School talk While I am working on that I will also be working on stress management as my lack of being able to comprehend is due to stress, not lack of ability, or intelligence. So self paced it is. I feel really guilty though that I'm spending so much ($7k) when we don't even know if I can work with my cognitive issues. I don't want a huge deadline to come up and me not able to comprehend. But that's like 4 years down the road I won't be an official student again until at least a year and a half.

Good morning, I slept well. I0 hours.

I have a day to do whatever I want because I have nothing at all planned. It’s my favorite type of day: a nothing day. No appointments, no errands, no chores, no obligations or events to go to.

Might end up painting

i slept all night! yay!

Slept well. Dreams of college and a sorority. We dressed up as flappers in 1950’s slips. Had a fun time at a mystery night. Oh it was hard to wake up from the dream.

Today I have to run errands. Supposedly no rain today though the clouds are dark and heavy. Need to go to Wally, the grocery store and the library.

I feel more calmer and like I can think more clearly without the topamax. I'm still on 75mg. But like I am able to rationalize more and think of how likely something is to happen and how to plan if it does happen. I'm not doing as much reassurance seeking.

For anyone who gets overheated or just for the summer in general I reccomend cooling towels. I got a 10 pack from Walmart for $15 and they are reuseable and machine washable.

Excellent, excellent birthday! One of the best I ever had, and it's only because I am finally being kinder to myself and doing things for myself. Work went pretty well this week too finally, the month of June has been absolutely blessed in so many ways.

Only thing is my dad called me drunk last night - I could hear it in his voice and slurred words when he wished me a happy birthday. I was always proud to say that my dad and I share the same sobriety date because its the day i went to jail. I don't know what that did to him, but he had changed and put down the bottle after years of being an alcoholic. Now, I am thinking that wedding they went to in NYC last weekend, might have changed things. I am disappointed, but he is an adult, I am just worried now.

Good news is that even though I only got 5 hours sleep because I kept worrying about it, I woke up fresh and went grocery shopping even though I really didn't want to. It's been hard leaving the house in 100-degree heat.

Even better news is I am getting really organized, and making things happen. I am turning my blog into my brand, and transforming it into a platform where I can get more work. I might really do a complete career change, because I need to stop waiting around and feeling defeated that I have a record - there is so much I can do for people coming out of jail or in recovery. I don't think I could go back to a corporate job anyway, it just might be too much.

Feeling better about my ex, this new guy, and just relationships in general. Now is not the time for them - I turned 45 yesterday, that's right in the middle of mid-life - but instead of having a crisis, I am going to evolve into a transformation.

Way to go shadow!

I'm having a rough day with dental pain. I did a walk/jog this morning and my usual reading, but it took several calls until nearly noon before the dentist finally called in a prescription for Tyelnol 3 to the pharmacy, but I don't see it being processed at the pharmacy yet. Next time I have another crown done with this dentist, I'm asking for the script before I leave and not waiting to see whether it's going to be a super painful crown or just a normal one because this is the pits!

It's pretty much defined the rest of my day. My painting sucked, finally did a poppy (in the creative corner), but it didn't turn out that well, and I spilled my Coke Zero all over the place eating lunch (which had to be chicken noodle soup even though I really did not want soup for lunch but not much to do with your mouth hurting). I guess at least I had soup in my pantry. I was supposed to go to the library with my daughter this afternoon, but H said he will take her and will check out the book I have on hold.

I don't think it helps that I'm probably having PMS as well. PMS just makes everything a million times worse!

I have a volunteer shift tomorrow. Excited to be back at it

Other than that nothing to report. I’m doing well. I might be using the forums less going forward because I feel really stable and am not as much in need of support anymore. I’ll probably still pop in occasionally but not daily anymore

All my errands are done except for the library. They didn’t have my book yet. I’m wanting cozy’s and I have none.

Don’t know what’s going on with the packages, for the last three days no packages, for anyone. Looked online and it says my package is delayed. My granddaughter’s gift was supposed to be here Tuesday. Her birthday is tomorrow!

My face is red from the heat. Both my back and my neck were hurting. Wally had 4 lanes and the self check out open but it was so busy that there were lines backed up. And the cold machine by the line was putting out heat trying to keep the energy drinks cold. Oy, I need a shower.

Really starting to worry about my neck. I hope they can do something that’s not surgery. My arm and hand is almost always numb with pins and needles now. Maybe I waited to long to call them? But I was hoping it would go away. Doesn’t help that now I’m have bright intense flashes of pain from where all the hardware is in my back.

I dropped my other class. There's no way I can see my family for a week. I'm just going to do the self paced stuff and if I get dropped by vocational rehab I guess whatever. Found out h getting to work is going to cost $140+ a month. Which we have to pay so he can get there and that's at a discount This is getting expensive just to get set up.

Since no one was calling ME I took it into MY OWN hands and called and made an appointment to see an OB/GYN because I NEED TO SEE SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP ME!! I'm a desperate woman. I can't handle this anymore. I think the nurse on the phone could hear the desperation in my voice as I was vomiting out all my symptoms to her (because that's pretty much what I did!). I don't know what's WRONG with me! Ugh! Hopefully they can help me. The appointment is on July 14th at 2PM.

I think I'm going to call my therapist and see if she'll come with me. Except I have an appointment with my psychiatrist at 11:30 that morning and she's going to that... Guess it doesn't hurt to ask.

Editing raspberry coming in: Called and she said she'd come. Whew. Thank goodness! She's going to pose as my "friend". Lol.