I'm so mad/ sad that I gave my disorder to my daughter

Victoria'smom · Jul 02, 2025, 09:02 AM

She's currently without medication and is struggling. She doesn't trust her reality. She's mad that we were selfish to have a child when we knew there was mental illness. She wants a dr that treats Sza AND adhd. She masks well because we taught her too as part of her autism. Shes in a position that they don't want to treat the adhd because she has her bachelors and she had a high gpa but we know that's because her ADHd was treated and it was still a family effort. But because she can get that degree she's not ADHD. They gave her a medication that has deadly interaction with her other med We had to beg her not to take it and get a new psych.

Victoria'smom · Jul 02, 2025, 01:17 PM

We were talking to H and he was saying he'd be screaming for meds if he had to deal with half the things we deal with, bugs on the skin that bite while your trying to fall asleep, Big nope for him, seeing things out of the corner of your eyes, NO, voices, confusion and faults memories. all of it he'd be in the hospital begging not to be released until it was all taken care of.V may go to the crisis center to get her medication. We tried to explain that even as kids we dealt with this.So it's not as stressful we can act normal it's still stressful but we grew up with it so we're able to mask it better. he's said he'd freak out. H was trying to tell us it's not okay to just deal with these symptoms. I don't know she's not a danger to herself and/or others so this is a good time to get re evaluated.

Moose72 · Jul 03, 2025, 09:33 AM

My eldest who is trans has borderline and ADHD. Every time she’s inpatient or one time we hadn’t heard from her in a long time - was IP in another city- it scares me to death!

raspberrytorte · Jul 03, 2025, 03:06 PM

I want to mention something... it's not fair for Victoria to be mad at you or think you're selfish for having her. You didn't know you were going to pass it down to her! If she's making you feel bad tell her to grow up. We passed on our anxiety and depression disorders down to our daughter (mostly the anxiety) and she hasn't once made us feel bad about it, and her anxiety is so bad and constant her hands shake. She's one anxious girl. Half the time she can barely eat, but my husband has been working with her regarding coping mechanisms, so at least she has parents who understand and can help.

Victoria should be happy she has parents that understand and can help.

Victoria'smom · Jul 03, 2025, 06:33 PM

I know it's not fair I think it her SI tendency that makes her lash out. I talked to my therapist today and she said I shouldn't feel guilty because I've been a super human parent. She got her medicine and hopefully she feels better. I found a young adult psychosis program within walking distance so hopefully she can go there for med management. Some days it's hard because she's mad and lashing out but still wants someone there to watch her sleep so she's safe. I honestly thought we could beat this with love, treatment and education. I was wrong and now she suffers. Drs have always said we've gone above and beyond but that didn't solve it. My therapist reminded me things would be much worse for her if we weren't the way we were.

Victoria'smom · Jul 06, 2025, 09:10 AM

It still hurts that she has so many issues and blames us. She set up her room so she could see the door no matter where she is in the room. Hopefully she gets better soon. It sucks that she spews such hatred towards us then will lay on my lap just so she can sleep for a little but I wouldn't deny that because sleep helps. I may get her an ESA cat maybe she'll feel safer. I'll talk to her and H about it. So she can talk to her team about it. She doesn't want a dog because they die faster but maybe a cat.

bizi · Jul 06, 2025, 11:00 AM

I think you are a terrific mom!
That is wonderful that you opened up to your therapist!!! That is huge!!!
bizi

Victoria'smom · Jul 06, 2025, 02:39 PM

Biz unfortunately that was are last session. I have to call Monday and find out who is my new therapist.

Victoria'smom · Yesterday, 07:43 AM

So I talked to her a lot yesterday. She says she knows we did our best. That her SMI clashes with her dad's. She's working on it. She wants to move out as fast as possible.We talked about why we home schooled and she blames us for the places we moved when to her we could have moved anywhere. She has decided she may have children and move to the "right" area. She's healthier now that she has her medication. Her whole team is changing too. She said something about financial abuse which I don't agree with and cptsd due to poverty not parenting which maybe. At least when she's on medication we get along better. She has faults memories of horrible things that she has done so reality testing is hard for her. She doesn't have a lot of insight which sucks. So while shes well she doesn't hate us. She's mad we moved out of our parents houses at 16 but she is stuck here. I explained a little. That moving out put a boundary up. It wasn't about getting away from family it was about how we could create boundaries with our families.

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