Day 2 therapist is going to get a crashcourse in my history

Victoria'smom · Jul 08, 2025, 04:43 PM

So I'm going to my parents house for a week with my sisters and their families. I have to go. Last time we were all together was the funereal of my nephew. So I can't say no. I've already tried. It's really triggering there it reminds me of how sick I was as a kid.At least I don't have to sleep in the room that

Possible trigger:

I OD'd in or the room I cut in and thought my dead grandma talked to me through the light

but I do have to do laundry next to where

Possible trigger:

I purged

and sit by the fire that I planned a [trigger] homicide [trigger] . I have to listen to their delusions and watch them interact with their hallucinations. Then I also have to deal with my symptoms and act normal. Hope my dad doesn't hide my medication. It's not them that sends me spiraling it's me. Any coping strategies I can deploy. This is going to be harder because I'm the only one on medicine.

Currently my mom thinks she has a parasite under her skin, My other sister is becoming homeless by choice with 3 kids and my other sister is having a rough time I've always been the most stable one.

unaluna · Jul 08, 2025, 07:20 PM

I thought you had a nurse coming by every dag to give you meds. How will that be handled?

Im sorry you feel like you cant put yourself first or whatever it would take to miss this family excursion. I remember being in that situation too often. But what is different from my family, is you seem to get and give a lot of support from and to your family.

Victoria'smom · Jul 08, 2025, 07:49 PM

Quote:

thought you had a nurse coming by every dag to give you meds. How will that be handled?

They are going to fill my meds for the week and let me take that with me.

Victoria'smom · Jul 11, 2025, 03:45 PM

So I told him a little we're going to build coping mechanisms. The next week Is going to be tough. I hate the gabapentin it makes me feel drugged. If it wasn't for the nurse I'd stop taking it. The ****ing fire alarm is bothering me. Wish I could do what I want to buy no. I imagined doing school work but I can't because of the gabapentin.

bizi · Jul 12, 2025, 05:49 PM

Perhaps the gabapentin is too high of a dose? Do you know the dose? Talk with your doctor about your symptoms.
bizi

Victoria'smom · Jul 12, 2025, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizi

Perhaps the gabapentin is too high of a dose? Do you know the dose? Talk with your doctor about your symptoms.
bizi

It's only 100 3x a day. I don't want to be looked as noncompliant.

Victoria'smom · Jul 14, 2025, 07:49 PM

The nurse wants me to start advocating for myself. I should be fine chewing by now but the dentures are cutting my inner lip and gums creating sores. I really don't want to go to therapy tomorrow. I'm dreading when he reads my file about my eating or anything else. I don't know him enough to tell him what's been going on. I got into a fight with H about whether I can get a dog next March and money. He's hypomanic and everything is taking too long. We were full blown yelling which never happens. He said I both need a SD and we can't afford one. He's frustrated that he can't give me what he feels I need. I need to watch him because it may be a mixed state. Doesn't help I'm depressed.

Victoria'smom · Jul 16, 2025, 12:11 PM

So I don't know how well this is going to go over especially because I want off medication but I'm going to tell him why I don't go out to the fire at my parents house. See if he can re-frame it for me or maybe dump me because I'm too much.

Victoria'smom · Jul 16, 2025, 08:33 PM

Can I tell t about past thoughts without getting in legal trouble or having the person that it was about know?

BeyondtheRainbow · Jul 16, 2025, 09:17 PM

@Victoria'smom as long as this isn't a danger in the present I think you are fine to tell your therapist.

unaluna · Jul 16, 2025, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Victoria'smom

Can I tell t about past thoughts without getting in legal trouble or having the person that it was about know?

One, like you said, the statute of limitations would have run out, unless you actually unalived another human. Two, a t only has to warn someone if they think they are in danger from the client now. Im sorry you have been carrying this for such a long time.

Victoria'smom · Jul 16, 2025, 09:19 PM

@BeyondtheRainbow thank you,

Victoria'smom · Jul 16, 2025, 09:32 PM

I hate that going to my parents and being depressed makes me think of all the ****ed up things I did as a kid and how sick I really was. My head is trying to make me out to be a monster. Instead of a traumatized kid that was sick and scared. That got into situations that were over my head and I was taken advantage of.

Scooter9 · Jul 17, 2025, 09:28 AM

I know you said you feel you cannot say No to going to your parents' house.

But fundamentally speaking, you're betraying yourself by going. It is obviously a bad situation, and there's no benefit to you at all; there's only bad stuff.

What about afterwards? Chances are, there will be lasting effects that only you know about and have to face on your own.

So, yes, saying you're not going is going to be hard, absolutely. But is it as hard as the situation you'll be in if you do go? If you don't go, you'll be reclaiming a bit of yourself and your dignity, not for them, but for you.

Victoria'smom · Jul 17, 2025, 10:52 AM

I have to go because all my sisters and their family is going and my dad is 75. I know I'll have a lot of work to do before and after. Luckily I'm going to tell my therapists and I see him 2x a week. I'm worried my psychosis will flare up more then it has now. The people there are better. Yes they were abusive when I was younger but now they aren't because I'm an adult. It's the actual house that brings back all the memory. I walk into the house and all my ****ed upness memories come back. I've forgiven them for there ****ed upness but I guess reality I haven't forgiven my ****ed upness.

raspberrytorte · Jul 17, 2025, 06:19 PM

Don't go @Victoria'smom. You have to put your mental health first.

Victoria'smom · Jul 17, 2025, 06:46 PM

How do I even bring this up to him. My mood has plummeted. I'm thinking my husband will come with me. It's like every ****ed up thing I did as a kid has come up.

Victoria'smom · Jul 17, 2025, 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

Don't go @Victoria'smom. You have to put your mental health first.

The thing is it's not them. It's me well it's the house. I haven't seen them since the funeral. My dad is getting older and my neighbor is turning 100 this year. I swear this is because of the mood I'm in. It's only 5 days I have to mask.

Victoria'smom · Jul 17, 2025, 09:09 PM

Apparently my dr has to approve me to leave so who knows if he will. He probably will unless my therapist talkes to him after my session tomorrow.

BeyondtheRainbow · Jul 17, 2025, 09:43 PM

There have been times when I wanted to do something (or felt I should) with a very messy family and my therapist felt it was dangerous at worst and overwhelming at the least. My experience is that he was usually right. He often gave me an out, telling me to blame him for telling me I wasn't well enough to do whatever when I felt obligated to attend. My experience has been that he's been right and I shouldn't have gone. I know it's harder with a new therapist but if your pdoc feels you shouldn't go perhaps that is a sign it would have been a bad idea?

Victoria'smom · Yesterday, 05:39 AM

If pdoc doesn't think I should go they will not give me my medication for that time but he's pretty relaxed So I don't think he'll say no. But he did put a nurse for 7 days a week for a year because I missed my injection. It's like he read my mind that I didn't want to be complaint. He acts on what T says fast. I said I was having symptoms that didn't bother me but bothered my therapist and he called me and made sure I had my medication and that H watched me take it. He's a good pdioc. If he says no It's that they don't want me to go out of state.

Victoria'smom · Yesterday, 05:58 AM

My family doesn't believe in mental health care. I've had my meds hid on me in the past because the majority of them feel I'm a legal drug addict.My dad won't even take procations for his diabetes. He won't take medication or test his blood sugar. My mom who was a nurse and refuses all medication too. My older sister is the hardest she would flush my meds just to see me spiral so I'm not the favorite. (but right now she views my little sister the favorite) My younger sister doesn't care because she views it same as weed. My Adult nephew and niece support me. So I can't say I can't go because of an appointment. I want to go It maybe the last time I see my sisters kids in a while. I want an updated picture of everyone. I don't expect much drama everyone usually plays nice. It's only 4 days top day 5 is going to be traveling.

Victoria'smom · Yesterday, 11:16 AM

So I told him everything and nothing happened! I even told him

Possible trigger:

I'm not really eating and having suicidal thoughts He wants me to stop drinking soda and meal prep.I plan to stop the soda when at my parents house

So I'll do that after this soda. He wants me to use affirmations to forgive myself. He said a service dog maybe good idea sooner rather then later.but I worry I'm not functioning enough to take care of a dog. Maybe when I get back.

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