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Human Feeling
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,228
13 3,409 hugs
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#1
Welcome to the couch, old and new! A place to hang out - sometimes you get immediate feedback, sometimes you don't.
Shouting, "Cool Whip" tends to bring others out from between the cushions if you're feeling lonely. This is a chatty thread. All are welcome. We're kind of psychologically oriented, sometimes. We try to be supportive. At times we discuss what that means. It’s a place to plop down on the couch when you come home from work or wherever, or wake up in the middle of the night, or check in at lunch, rant a bit or not, and be among friends. We advise you not to drink or drug and text your therapist ("T") - we speak from experience. Sometimes the thread moves fast and you might get overlooked; sometimes it moves slowly and all you hear are crickets. Sometimes you get hugged or thanked pages later. So if it's a bigger question, you might want to start a new thread. Grab a cushion, a spot on the floor, or an armchair in the corner and make yourselves comfy. Some sources suggest that the number 249 is a signal to look out for oneself and prioritise your own needs. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,431
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9 75.7k hugs
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#2
Quote:
With ex-MC, I went through a long time of thinking that, because of how things turned out, the relationship wasn't real, wasn't meaningful, that he didn't care about me the way I thought he did. But now, I can realize he did care in his way. That maybe it's not quite what I thought/hoped it was at the time, but it wasn't nothing. He made me feel understood, and that's still there. From some things Dr. T has said in general about grieving (and I think you're grieving L in a way, as I did ex-MC), it takes time to go from just thinking about sad or negative things to thinking more about the good memories. I was also reading something similar yesterday in Carolyn Hax's advice chat about the loss of a pet, that it will take time for the sadness to fade and for the happier memories to be the main thing that comes to mind when you think of that pet. I think it's similar. |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,589
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10 6,941 hugs
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#3
Artie,
You know how they say not to judge children on when they reach their milestones because each child develops differently? It's the same with grief. Every person is different, every relationship is different. You can't control how long you'll grieve for. I grieved for ex-T for 9 years even with two subsequent awesome Ts. Try to have compassion for yourself. You just lost a long, intimate relationship. Healing, however you find it, won't happen overnight even if you had the perfect closure session. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,499
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4 5,931 hugs
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#4
Thanks Scarlet.
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Wanderer of Distant Stars
Member Since May 2012
Location: North Carolina, USA. Originally New York
Posts: 25,667
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12 12.9k hugs
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#5
Thought I would jump on the couch! I like it's a Self-Care couch, that's what attracted me here. I don't practice enough because I am really hard on myself. I am so upset about the 50 pounds I gained after my surgery, and I have a trip coming up to Los Angeles coming up in October that I feel I am too fat to travel for. I need to get my head out of this thinking. I hope to learn more about everyone here and offer support where I can.
__________________ Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Path to Wellness and Love |
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,978
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13 1 hugs
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#6
I found out that another ex-lover has become a crystal growing, sound bath seminar leading, bad poetry writing, full fledged woowoo. So now I have one who became a therapist and one who went over to this sort of woowoo side, and a couple of others who dabbled in it - in fact - I only have one ex-lover who did not become woowoo and we are still friends. I dated this one because I thought she had a really dry sense of humor and was quite surprised when it turned out she had absolutely no sense of humor at all. When breaking up she called me "too sardonic". My sincere question as to how much was just sardonic enough was not met with understanding. I have never thought I turned other women gay, but apparently I turn them woowoo.
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
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Child of a lesser god
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Tartarus
Posts: 19,266
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9 12.4k hugs
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#7
Quote:
__________________ Ich weiß nicht, was soll es bedeuten. Daß ich so traurig bin. “I do not know what this can mean. I am so very sad.” —Heinrich Heine |
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Roses are falling.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Seattle.
Posts: 9,913
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7 10.4k hugs
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#8
You need time Art. It’s okay to still feel the way you do. You saw her for over 8 years. Those pangs will be there.
Maybe you could have something like a graduation ceremony? You don’t need the whole gowns and everything, but just have a small party got yourself and acknowledge how far you have come. Write a letter instead of a speech. You’re moving on to a new chapter in your life. You could also always go back for a one off session if you wanted, Could you also spend some of the therapy money on doing something fun for yourself either each week or monthly. __________________ ![]() |
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Roses are falling.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Seattle.
Posts: 9,913
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7 10.4k hugs
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#9
Quote:
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,978
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13 1 hugs
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#10
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
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Child of a lesser god
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Tartarus
Posts: 19,266
(SuperPoster!)
9 12.4k hugs
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#11
__________________ Ich weiß nicht, was soll es bedeuten. Daß ich so traurig bin. “I do not know what this can mean. I am so very sad.” —Heinrich Heine |
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,565
(SuperPoster!)
13 67.9k hugs
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#12
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Toodlepip
Posts: 1,793
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#13
I think the thing about an ending in therapy is that ideally it is a part of the work - something which is worked towards and is a part of the form of the therapy. When the therapy is long-term, depth work, I don't think an ending is best served as a one-off, stuck on the end session. Endings are important, especially if we haven't had experience of meaningful endings in our life, and I think it's about giving that part of the therapy the time and consideration which we might have not been allowed in other places. So, for me, it's less about the singular last session and more about the loss of a whole section of the work and the relationship. Just to be clear - I am talking here about what might best serve the client, not the therapist. Sometimes cutting off is safest, but I think those circumstances are rare and it's hard to identify what's best for you as opposed to what is a repeat of an old, familiar pattern.
Two years after the abrupt and inexplicable ending from my ex-therapist where I was denied any ending, I am coming to see that the grief I feel is not really about her at all - not at its core. It's transferential and my sadness is about the loss, lack, harms of my childhood. I miss my ex-therapist but in my yearning, I am yearning for the love that I never had as a child and that I now can't recognise. |
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,978
(SuperPoster!)
13 1 hugs
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#14
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Last edited by stopdog; Jun 30, 2024 at 11:20 AM.. |
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,565
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13 67.9k hugs
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#15
Quote:
Facebook et all have different such versions of this patter, i dont remember seeing a psych take. Very good! As google says, --must include chocolate Eta *Lacan who btw resembled my t/pdoc. Spooky! |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2017
Location: the upside down
Posts: 3,849
7 6,387 hugs
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#16
Where do sound baths fall on the woowoo scale? They seem like they'd be relaxing and I'd really like to try one. I don't consider myself a particularly woowoo person though. Just curious.
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,565
(SuperPoster!)
13 67.9k hugs
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#17
Quote:
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2017
Location: the upside down
Posts: 3,849
7 6,387 hugs
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#18
Has anyone seen that Dr Todd Grande person on YouTube? I don't particularly like him, but I guess somebody does because he apparently has a Patreon. He seems very dry and emotionless. For some reason, when I imagine Dr. T, I imagine this guy.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2017
Location: the upside down
Posts: 3,849
7 6,387 hugs
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#19
Maybe I don't know what a "sound bath" is. I'm thinking those humming bowls and gongs etc. I guess it could be just nature sounds though.
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Human Feeling
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,228
13 3,409 hugs
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#20
Sound baths usually involve singing bowls or gongs, NP.
Forest bathing is an entirely different thing. There are a number of sound bath tracks on YouTube, which would give a similar effect. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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