What if your therapist hates their job?

Lostislost · May 26, 2025, 05:20 AM

But you have come to need them? And then they just opt out. Obviously it’s never an equal relationship, but what if this happens. Where does it leave us. Especially if they aren’t even direct with it, pretending that everything is fine but just backing off slowly. I need direct communication. Any thoughts?

Therapy reviewed · May 26, 2025, 09:15 AM

Not much you can do.

LonesomeTonight · May 26, 2025, 10:53 AM

I'm very sorry it feels this way to you. It sounds very painful.

Out of curiosity, what makes you think it's that he hates his job? Has he said something to suggest that? It's also possible that something is going on in his outside life that is distracting him or making him be less available, in actual time or emotionally. (For example, a family member being ill, relationship issues with a romantic partner or spouse, etc.). I'd try talking more about what it feels like from your end (but know he may not be willing to share if it's an outside life thing).

East17 · May 29, 2025, 05:06 AM

Really difficult when a T isn't up front about what's going on for them. Understandable if they don't normally self-disclose perhaps, but not okay when it's impacting directly on their client's therapy. I hope you can find a way to open up a discussion about how his behaviour is affecting you.

eksistor · May 30, 2025, 11:14 PM

Hi @Lostislost, This is a really good question, and one I've thought about too. It might actually be a useful jumping off point to think about certain feelings. I've been out of therapy for about a month now, but when I was in it my therapist was always encouraging to try and open up about feelings I was having in the therapy session itself. (If I was mad, she'd go "are you mad at me?") Not easy and I was terrible at it, but it sounds like you have good reason to try it out if you feel your therapist is not so engaged.

Lostislost · May 31, 2025, 03:33 PM

Thanks @eksistor, my T doesn’t ask me questions like that. If it gets to a point where I can tell he doesn’t want me there (even though he will deny it I’m sure) then I will have no choice but to leave…which is what he wants…and then I have no idea what I will do. I know I can never see a different T now. Maybe I’m wrong and he will be straight with me, I hope so.

eksistor · Yesterday, 01:27 PM

Hi @Lostislost, I'm so sorry to hear that. Feeling unwanted by your therapist (as a client/patient) is a really horrible feeling. Almost like, where do you turn now? I have felt maybe a similar feeling of scary hopelessness myself. But keep in mind that he is just one therapist, one person. As difficult as it could be to rebuild a therapeutic relationship, you have some experience to work from and better discriminate about who will be a good fit for you. And you deserve it.

AnaWhitney · Yesterday, 02:59 PM

You could ask him and give him the opportunity to be straight. I’m sure it will feel off if he isn’t being honest. I couldn’t trust someone who isn’t honest with me, so I feel for you. But give him the chance first ?

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