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#1
May 26, 2025, 08:03 AM
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So I've been living with my " wife" . Spent a lot of time trying to figure out what to do. Where to go , because I wanted to leave and start a new life. Our arrangement is such that I can walk away anytime, I owe her nothing ,and she owes me nothing. So I could have went anywhere. We don't even talk to each other. She's just a roommate and not even that.
This is the stickler. I'm in what is called analysis paralysis ! Can't make a decision to save my life , literally. Honestly , at 70 I just don't have what it takes to start over So even though I'm not getting my needs met, I'm just going to have to settle. Of course it's complicated and you all know what that's about. There's just one more important thing I want to share about myself that I found out. I cant enjoy myself anymore, by myself. I need to share my life with someone else, even if I know she doesn't love me. I found out that I hate myself that much.
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Trying to Live in the Moment |
 Calla lily12
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#2
May 26, 2025, 10:39 AM
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 Hey Moody, Just a gentle curiosity question: Do you consider yourself codependent? Up until a few years ago, I didn't understand what that meant, aside from how it's used in alcoholic relationships. For me, it was a form of enmeshment that wasn't very healthy. Codependency work, and the book Codependent No More, changed my life, even though the situation will be slow to change. Reading that book was the first time it really hit home that I could live my own life in a fulfilling way, no matter what circumstances were surrounding me. It helped me learn to detach and find more meaning in myself. Granted, the work is still in progress... I honestly don't know if that might resonate with you in any way, but thought it might be worth mentioning. You deserve to feel good, even if you stay in your present situation. |
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#3
May 26, 2025, 03:49 PM
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Quote:
You bring up an excellent point. Never wanted to admit to myself that I AM codependent, and know it. What happened all this time is that I looked at her as an addiction ( is that the same thing? ) I've heard of that book you mentioned and if I remember correctly it was suggested to me quite a long time ago . I never wound up reading it back then but I think I should give it a good read now ! I'm very grateful to you for mentioning it to me. Yes it does resonate. Your last sentence gives me hope. That I can have a life and do deserve to feel good despite my current situation. Thanks so much for your input.... 
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Trying to Live in the Moment |
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#4
May 26, 2025, 04:18 PM
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Codependency is often described as a addiction to a person. So, yeah, that.
The book is very widely available and an easy read. If it speaks to you, awesome. If it doesn't, you won't have lost much.
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#5
May 31, 2025, 07:22 AM
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I had never lived alone in my life until I finally left a bad 33 year marriage at 54 & moved across the country to buy my little farm in a town where I didn't know anyone to start life over. It's been 18 years & I have never been happier or as free. Have wonderful friends now & a real part of my community. At 72, it is harder to do everything around my farm & the house but I absolutely love my peaceful life I finally have & would never want to change it. Who knows, once you take that step you may love it too without anyone else making you do things or having to compromise on things you really don't want to compromise on. Best decision I ever made in my whole life
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 Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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