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#1
Dec 11, 2025, 07:23 PM
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Context; let me start at the beginning. I gave my sister my camera many years ago, therefore, all my selfies are old.
I made a friend online. He said I was beautiful, said he has a crush on me, and kept responding with drooly GIFs on my selfies. Then we met in person, and he said, and I quote, "You're so different, it's like I was being catfished." So! Thoughts, please. I feel very hurt by this. Should I get over it, or am I right? I don't have much experience with friendship, and don't want to lose him over ego. I just don't need the extra help with feeling bad about myself. |
 davOD, Discombobulated
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 forestx5
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#2
Dec 11, 2025, 08:17 PM
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Welcome to MSF @StayComma - I am sorry that your online acquaintance appears to attack your motivation. I do not hear any catfishing , evil intent on your part. The facebook pictures I see usually do not show the wrinkles and aging when I see them in real life and often show someone earlier when they were younger.
I would ask myself does he like me for who I am or did he fall in love with an expectation in his mind.? I am very careful about online friendships. I never know what their intentions are. Since they brought up catfishing, maybe that is what they are doing. How could I tell? It's difficult. At the very least they sound rude. If they start asking for money run! CANDC [If you want me to see your reply to this post please tag me by including @CANDC in your message - not in requoting my message and not the first word of your message]
__________________
Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
| davOD
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#3
Dec 11, 2025, 09:46 PM
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He is learning English. He's done an amazing job, and I don't think he intended to be mean. He's been really nice to me except for that little dig, so maybe he doesn't know how it came across. I asked him if he was disappointed with my looks and he said no.
I'm just not happy with how it sounds. Like, "Huh, I thought you were pretty, but you're different," LOL |
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#4
Dec 12, 2025, 03:27 AM
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Catfish implies ill intent, so that’s harsh. He didn’t need to be rude.
But if you sent old selfies it’s fair to assume you don’t like that way anymore. And he didn’t expect that. Was he aware that those pics are from years ago? I am not sure I understand comments about giving your sister your camera. You don’t need a camera for selfies, you can’t even take selfies with normal camera. Do you have a phone? Ot any other electronic device? You can even take it with a Chromebook camera If you send people old pics of yourself it’s preferable to state that like “that’s me in college” or “me on a memorable trip 10 years ago” |
| davOD, eskielover
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#5
Dec 12, 2025, 05:27 AM
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You're excusing him for a very rude comment. I would not brush it under the rug or dismiss it. Please don't be desperate for friendships that you have to carry on an online friendship with someone you really do not know. Be very careful with online friendships.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
| Discombobulated
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#6
Dec 12, 2025, 05:29 AM
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I would be offended. To some, catfish is a delicacy, but to me it is a bottom feeder and I know what they put in our rivers.
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#7
Dec 12, 2025, 10:04 AM
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His comment is rude and frankly, speaks a lot about his character.
I would ask myself if that is really the type of 'friend' you don't want to lose. |
| Discombobulated
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#8
Dec 12, 2025, 01:05 PM
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My brother did the on line dating thing for a while. Unless I misunderstood him, girls who don't "put out" on the first or 2nd date are accused of using the dating app for free dinners.
Catfishing might be the term applied to those females. So if a guy is accusing you of catfishing, he's complaining he isn't getting what he paid for, in which case you might not have the same expectations from on line dating. |
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#9
Dec 12, 2025, 01:55 PM
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I tend to agree with @divine1966. His comment was probably about your lack of honesty of when those photos were taken & not a real representation of who you are now. Unless you were clear & honest about that then his comment was pretty accurate & I wouldn't consider being offended unless he has a right to be offended by your lack of being upfront about how old your photos were. Neither way is a good way to start out a good relstionship. Let it go & see where (& if) it goes anywhere from here
__________________
 Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
| davOD, divine1966
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#10
Dec 12, 2025, 05:10 PM
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Quote:
From my understanding “catfishing” means luring people into going on a date with you/spending money on you or otherwise get entangled with you by misrepresenting oneself: using someone else’s pictures or even identity and perhaps using inaccurate or very old pics. It’s done by both men and women and is essentially a scam. Not putting out isn’t really related to that. In my dating years I’d never sleep with men unless dated them for awhile, often months. I wasn’t ever accused of catfishing. I’d just not date men who only care about sex. If a man isn’t willing to wait until we know each other well, he’s not my kind of guy. That’s not catfishing lol Men who expect sex on the first date are trashy and maybe they are the actual catfish, misrepresenting themselves as decent people lol |
| eskielover
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#11
Dec 12, 2025, 06:54 PM
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“Catfishing” is about misrepresenting oneself."
Thank you for the correction. Not sure if this is the time to mention this, but an NPR segment revealed that primates are some of the least monogamous creatures on the planet. 
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#12
Dec 12, 2025, 11:16 PM
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Quote:
Yes, he was aware. In fact he gave me a camera for my birthday to replace it. All of my selfies are posted online with their original upload date, too. I do have a phone, but it's a flip phone without Wi-Fi. |
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#13
Dec 12, 2025, 11:19 PM
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Quote:
I was honest. |
| eskielover
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#14
Dec 12, 2025, 11:28 PM
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Quote:
Last edited by divine1966; Dec 12, 2025 at 11:52 PM. |
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#15
Dec 13, 2025, 01:41 AM
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Quote:
It was a birthday/Christmas thing. |
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#16
Dec 13, 2025, 07:25 AM
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#17
Dec 13, 2025, 08:27 AM
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I guess he’s giving you his honest response, that’s how he felt, many people would’ve not shared that thought with you in case they hurt your feelings. So he’s honest but maybe rather blunt it sounds, and not considerate of your feelings.
I can’t imagine a line like that ever being a one that you’d look back on fondly together years from now, I just couldn’t imagine going into a loving relationship with this kind of start. |
| davOD
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#18
Dec 13, 2025, 08:41 AM
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I meant did you two move on past his comment? It’s rude but sometimes people might move on and find out it was just one lapse of judgement. Are you still seeing each other? If yes you could tell him you were hurt. If not, then I’d try to forget about him |
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#19
Dec 13, 2025, 08:44 AM
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Unless a woman asks for explanation why he’s not interested, there’s no need to disclose in hurtful details if it was just one date I am sure people know when they don’t look like their picture. It’s not something that needs to be said |
| Discombobulated
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#20
Dec 13, 2025, 06:02 PM
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Quote:
We're not dating, even though we met on a dating app. On it, I made myself clear that I was just looking for friendship, and using the app as a last resort; the site allows "looking for friendship" in profile settings. |
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#21
Dec 13, 2025, 09:09 PM
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Quote:
Also are you not interested in company of other women? Just men? That’s who you meet on dating apps.. do you only want men friends? If it’s a dating app, it’s paramount that you put recent pics on there. Not old. Even if you told this man that pics are old, other men might not know |
| davOD
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#22
Dec 14, 2025, 02:42 AM
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So did you two become friends?
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#23
Dec 14, 2025, 07:04 AM
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Quote:
Quote:
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#24
Dec 14, 2025, 08:57 AM
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@StayComma, LOL on your comment..."Slight chance I've got myself in a mess". Ahhhhh "friendships", they always seem to get messy now and then. But I guess that's ok, being all a part of the beauty of whole social psychology thing. Doesn't matter if it's friendships, partnerships, marriages... people are interesting and people connecting with people make it even more interesting. Sounds like you have been very clear with your expectations, which is awesome. That's fine if he is choosing to not "date" anyone else, as long as he doesn't think that by doing that he is trying to use that as a passive aggressive way of expecting you do to the same. I would hang with him but not stop looking for others too. When he recognizes that you are spending time with other guy "friends", the truth of his expectations will show for sure.
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#25
Dec 14, 2025, 10:16 AM
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Yes, make it painfully clear as to cut through the fog of unreasonable hope that so often clings to men’s brains when it comes to sex 😅 I’m sure even then some men feel like they will be the exception and somehow win you over. Part of the problem too is that sometimes people (not just men) don’t believe that the person they are courting knows what they want even though they communicate their wants clearly.
Online dating really is the Wild West of relationship building! Anything I said here does not apply to all men or all people obviously and there def are some real gems out there to be found. Will you find just friends on dating apps..? I’d say that it will prove challenging 
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