Controversial Topic: Going to HR About Your Bully Boss

For the last 1.5 years, my boss has bullied me, and now I am going to HR about it.

The backstory:

She has harshly berated me when I've made mistakes and is overly corrective and harsh with her feedback. She has alienated me from smaller team dynamics, and even dropped me from her Instagram account. She has given credit for my work to a colleague, done in writing. She micromanages my written communications, making me afraid to take initiative or to communicate. She talks negatively about me to teammates, which comes back to me in vague yet obvious ways and I pick up on it.

She has singled me out and is targeting me, playing favorites with my two other teammates. I honestly believe it's because she's envious and threatened by me. She is not bright, and I can can pick up new skills and learn new software platforms easily whereas she struggles a LOT and is afraid of new software.

So, after following ALL appropriate avenues to address the issues, I am now approaching HR.

The approaches I've taken have involved directly addressing the issues with her on three separate occasions, including giving her "radical candor" feedback on her management style, as she recently requested. I have also brought the issues forward to her boss, and next, to his boss, our departmental senior-level management.

The straw that broke the camel's back?

This week in a global call with 15 team members who do not understand the work I do or its value and who have yet to embrace my work, my boss communicated openly that the website recommendations I make are "boring", citing two exact examples of my own work. She devalued my work and recommendations in front of this whole group. Coincidentally, my recommendations just happen to emulate our #1 competitor.

After exhausting all the options, this last stunt was the final straw that pushed me over the edge, helping me to make the decision to approach Human Resources to learn about the company's conflict resolution process.

When I had first approached my Dept Director about the issue, that was his recommendation: to approach HR as a next step.

I feel I have no choice at this stage. I am not willing or ready to look for another job and leave. I have not had stable work for 7 years, and I finally found a stable company and position. I sure as hell am not going to allow this biatch to push me out of a good job, after fighting for 7 very long years to land a good job, in a good company.

I know what you're going to say: HR is NOT the employee's friend. HR is there to protect the company's interests.

Yes, I understand that. However, I have been highly successful in the past addressing managerial problems by approaching HR. I also realize that doesn't mean it will work this time around.

I am prepared for the possibility that I may need to leave my job. But I will not be ready to look for a new job until the Fall. I want to enjoy my summer. And that means staying where I am.

And I don't believe they can fire me - that would be wrongful termination, and I could likely sue the company. I had a positive annual review, submitted to HR in writing, I am doing well at work, and was awarded the maximum bonus this year.

So, I am going to HR and I used ChatGPT to compose my letter very professionally, carefully, and thoughtfully.

One thing I ask: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not give me negative feedback about this action I am taking. I am looking for supportive replies ONLY. Going to HR CAN work out. I am crossing my fingers. I have asked HR for a private confidential meeting so that I can learn about process and the options available.

Ultimately, this undermining and bullying BS has got to STOP. And the one way at this point that could still work is to instigate a formal intervention. I truly feel I have no choice but to pursue this action as my next step.

UGHHH. I have dealt with too many horrible bosses over the years, so here we go again. I wish bullying was illegal in my state. Then I could sue her.

Good for you for standing up for yourself!

You have my full support.

Work is hard enough without having to deal with bullies.

It doubly sucks when it's a boss!

I've been in your shoes and my situation was met with great success.

I had all my ducks in a row and presented my case well, and...

The bully got fired!

Thank you soo much, @Pflowers! Your story is most certainly inspiring and gives me great hope!!!! THANK YOU. I appreciate it more than you know.

My first meeting with HR is tomorrow morning. I have a formal document I am submitting to HR, including an incident log with dates and screenshots of the evidence to support my bullying claims. I am asking HR for prompt investigation, corrective action and protection of me and my role in my company. I am ready!

Sending Good Vibes Your Way...

Thank you, darling @Pflowers!

@Pflowers, I am very curious to learn how you won yours? Even though I've submitted my claim of "bullying", with a log of incidents, most of which are supported by screenshots of the proof, I am getting cold feet and am scared now.

HR tells me they have a "no retaliation" policy.

I'm freaking out. My boss could talk nasty about me behind my back to others and she has some power and pull in the company. I am going up against a big time BULLY. I pray that the evidence I provided supports my claim well. I hope they find her to be guilty. HR says an investigation will take about a week, and that they may find my claim to be unsupported. I'm so nervous!

It is extremely scary to go up against a boss, @Have Hope. Cold feet are understandable; I had them as well.

It's nice to know there's a no-retaliation policy in place, as it may deter the bully boss from doing anything to make the situation worse for them.

We've no control over what other people, including what the bully boss will or will not do. We can only hope that things go in our favor.

Fortunately, the person that handled my situation was honest, willing to review the information I'd brought them with an open mind, and also willing to explore in depth what was laid before them before making a decision.

In this particular instance it did go in my favor, but there's been another time or two that it did not. Then I had to decide if I was willing to stay in a toxic work environment, or if it was time to explore other options…

At any rate, the ball is rolling now and there's no turning back, so remind yourself to breathe (deep breathing exercises really help), and do your best to push the what-ifs away.

I'm still in your corner...

Yep, I agree. If you do nothing you only have you to blame.
Its very dificult to do the right thing!
Its very possable no one has ever pushed back to the bully, and only made them worse at bulling?
I do hope it was worth your time and effort.
But no matter what happens, you tried. You did the right thing!
And thats what matters most.

Also remember @Have Hope, It's quite possible the people at HR will speak with other employees about their experiences with this particular bully. You coming forward may just inspire others to no longer be afraid to speak up too...

Thank you! Have a done the right thing? I feel very vulnerable right now. Like a sitting duck.

Yes they will investigate. I’m so scared of what may happen afterwards.

It's dawned on me that this could go a different way than I want. My boss is a slick talker. She could easily play innocent over her "boring" remark about my recommendations and work in that global meeting. She can also lie to HR.

I am so nervous for this week while HR investigates and decides. HR offered for me to work from home this week while the investigation goes on. I sit directly next to my boss in the office. It will certainly be awkward.

I don't know what to do?

Sweet!

I'd definitely take them up on that offer!

The situation is already stressful enough, and...

That way if she throws a hissy fit, you won't be in her direct line of fire!

Be sure to continue to document any abuse she throws your way (in person or otherwise)...

If she's dumb enough to do that!

Still in your corner...

Thank you, darling!! HUGELY APPRECIATED.



I am working from home all week. As soon as I submitted the request to my boss for approval, she reached out and asked if everything is OK. Then she asked if I wanted to talk, after I told her, no everything is not really OK. HR is informing her today of my going to HR for assistance.

Imagine her surprise, @Having Hope...

If she tries to get you to discuss the investigation, simply tell her not unless it's in the presence of HR... Then let the HR investigator know because that can also go against her as trying to manipulate/influence the investigation.

Be ready in case she tries to butter or trip you up.

Remain professional, but firm, and again document any and all shenanigans she may try to pull while the investigation is going on... Nothing is insignificant when it comes to the situation and investigation.

Again, you are doing nothing wrong, so be strong...



Still in your corner...

THANKS so much for the great tips!!! Love that photo too! Thank you, it's just what I need to read and hear right now.

I need as many tips as you can provide.

I am scared to have my weekly 1:1 meeting with my boss tomorrow. I am having PTSD triggered reactions and my heart has been working overtime, beating very fast. I am high in anxiety right now, afraid of what she will say to me tomorrow, if she will try to rope me in, and how I will respond or defer.

That is a tricky one @Having Hope...

It might not hurt to express your concerns to the HR person handling the investigation, and ask them how to handle it should she bring the investigation up.

Will you meet in person or over the phone?

The reason I ask is because it will be easier to deflect any nonsense over the phone than in person.

Still in your corner...

It is very tricky! The call will be by video, so a remotely held call. I can always resort to ChatGPT for advice too! LOL! I've been using that tool a lot for help. It's very useful, even in delicate situations like this. Thanks again for your support and advice!!

This is a HUGE challenge for me. I have been having PTSD symptoms all day. Anxiety. Heart pounding. Just trying to breathe and relax. I had to have 2 cocktails to slow my heart rate to normal. I am struggling. This is a big deal - I am accusing the biggest cheerleader of the company, literally, of bullying - someone who has been there 20+ years and who is a company veteran. She wears the company shoes and clothing everyday to work in one form or another, and sometimes, head to toe including underwear and socks. No kidding. She is the biggest BS artist. She is so two faced. Espousing the company culture and values by wearing so many loud bells and whistles, calling attention to herself, yet underneath the facade, she is back stabbing me and likely other employees too. It is pure pukeville - I literally want to throw up. It is sickening. And she has to speak up in every single meeting, even if she tells half truths or outright bs lies, and she has to comment on the CEO's LinkedIn posts frequently by saying "I'm so proud of you, Joe!". What, as though the CEO is her son???? She may be proud of the company, but that's insulting to say to a CEO. Oh,. there's SO much more to tell.. she is a disgusting and despicable specimen of a human being. She deserves to be fired. May TRUE and the FULLEST EXTENT of JUSTICE PREVAIL!!!!

I can't sleep and have been awake since 3 am. This is just awful.

I remember that all too well...

Hang in there!

Thank you, darling!

I will try..

right about now I am wondering wth I am thinking of, going up against a 20+ year veteran of the company.

Her "boring" comment about my work sent me over the edge though, and after giving direct feedback to her 3 times with no changes and only escalated behavior, I felt I had no choice.

Because of that comment, I now have to do damage control with the global teams, teams I am trying to align better with.

I have to meet 1:1 with my boss this morning and am freaking out. I have been out of the office this week hiding in my home during the investigation while my boss is in the office. I pray that the investigation ends by tomorrow as HR had indicated it might. I need a decision and not to be left hanging.