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  #1  
Old Jun 22, 2025, 02:23 PM
HarmonyinSilence HarmonyinSilence is offline
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Have I come to terms that I can't change it? Yeah. Do I like it, no. The main symptom I have and most crippling being my trash memory, now I'm sure there's a better word/definition for that but that's the best I have. The worst part of this is that nobody ever believes me on how bad it actually is. I have forgotten my own birthday, important dates, what family members looked like before they passed, mind you they passed recently. And all that is just off the top of my head. I forget medications, appointments, homework. And I pretty much need my Adderall to function, so when I forget it's not good. And even then being on Adderall it's still not that good. I honestly just needed to vent that I guess, I hope nobody else feels this way because it sucks.
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Old Jun 22, 2025, 03:26 PM
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Welcome to MSF @HarmonyinSilence - I am sorry you have memory issues. That sounds really disruptive.

My friend has a brain stem injury and they have to write everything down.

Routines help me but I still like to make to do lists.

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  #3  
Old Jun 22, 2025, 04:46 PM
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I’m so with you. I was on Adderall too and fairing better mentally/emotionally except people were concerned about the lack of appetite side effect and my eating disorder so I stopped taking it recently and, yeah, lack of appetite doesn’t cause my disordered eating—being a traumatized individual who thinks no matter how low the BMI she takes up too much space and resources does and punishment>/=love, now I’m just a shytshow and probably eat even less because I don’t know what time of day or what I should be doing half the time and dinner time comes and I stress that I didn’t get a thing done earlier when I was supposed to so I do that and say “fk it, no lunch, no dinner today I guess. That was easier than usual. Can’t have meal time anxiety if you’re too caught up in ADHD-inspired internal chaos to realize it’s mealtime.”

I am decent with memory, or not really but I have developed my own way of making sure I have reminders of the really important things everywhere and wear a watch that can notify me of a bunch of stuff. My issues with ADHD are more around hyperactivity/impulse and emotional control (and surprise surprise, I’ve had the word “hospital” for psych crisis situations brought up 4x since stopping it.)

Edit: actually 5 after this morning.
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Dx: PTSD, BPD, eating disorder of ever changing presentation, bipolar
Rx: Tegretol, Topamax, and tacos

On the other hand, you have different fingers
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Old Jun 22, 2025, 04:48 PM
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But I feel your pain man, it’s real and valid. ADHD can be so much more frustrating than people realize. It is way more than being easily distracted and not sotting still.
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Dx: PTSD, BPD, eating disorder of ever changing presentation, bipolar
Rx: Tegretol, Topamax, and tacos

On the other hand, you have different fingers
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Old Jun 22, 2025, 07:55 PM
HarmonyinSilence HarmonyinSilence is offline
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Despite it being an ongoing and likely permanent issue, I have found that alarms seem to work well, I guess the noise catches and retains my attention and I feel bad ignoring it so I usually do whatever the alarm says to do, hey whatever works right?
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Old Aug 06, 2025, 10:48 AM
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! I have adhd too, and I hate it!

Alliteration is annoying too! (Toot, too, two, 2 #2) It makes my reading flow even faster!

Who else on this board has ADHD? I think muddy does, but who else? I don't want to toot my own horn! I hope you get that one. I'm trying to laugh, or I will cry real tears, not just online ones! EEK!

Which other forums tend to be slow where I may respond to posts I actually understand like ADHD, mania, depression, probably hallucination, ED stuff, etc.?

I don't know if I am ready for the book lover forum just yet, and I absolutely it. Many of us pause to read a real book preview or synopsis.
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Old Aug 06, 2025, 10:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HarmonyinSilence View Post
Despite it being an ongoing and likely permanent issue, I have found that alarms seem to work well, I guess the noise catches and retains my attention and I feel bad ignoring it so I usually do whatever the alarm says to do, hey whatever works right?
Oh, that happens with me too! But I could be setting an alarm for 1 AM when I should be sleeping certainly and not for 1 PM.

I may have a timer here other than my stove that works that I can hear (here). My microwave alarm is not loud enough. I might find other H tries to use. He loves timers since he is the graduate professor of industrial engineering (had to pause a 1 sec to remember his real career, getting there!).

I do tend to concentrate better when everyone's post flows nicely when reading (sigh).
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There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
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  #8  
Old Aug 06, 2025, 11:00 AM
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Hopefully you may not even I have Alzheimer's disease today because I do! Did I just say I am a real human being? Female at that.
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There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
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Old Aug 06, 2025, 03:51 PM
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Make it stop!
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There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
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Old Aug 06, 2025, 04:54 PM
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Did you see what I said in all of my posts here today? If not, go read one by one from top down.

it's easier on the eyes.

AS I MAY OR MAYBE NOT TRY TO POST WITH A SILLY GRIN!
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There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
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Old Aug 06, 2025, 04:55 PM
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Printing it down with a good computer printer!
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There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
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Old Aug 06, 2025, 07:20 PM
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Did you see what I said in all of my posts here today? If not, go read one by one from top down even if you copy, paste, glue AND can quote that one using the "green quick reply button at the button of your own webpage browser" I HOPE YOU HAVE A WEBPAGE BROWSER APP!

it's easier on the eyes.
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There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
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Old Sep 23, 2025, 11:22 AM
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I'm still struggling with this diagnosis too. Given that I have a bipolar diagnosis and my husband of 21 years says I'm "elevated". How do I concentrate on anything?!
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There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
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Old Sep 25, 2025, 10:33 AM
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I took guanfacine last night...not sure if it was prescribed for ADHD/PTSD/anxiety & sleep. At any rate, I'm still struggling with being elevated and staying on task.
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There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
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Old Sep 25, 2025, 03:09 PM
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OMG, ADHD is INCONVENIENT! Make it stop already!
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There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
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Old Sep 25, 2025, 03:32 PM
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Yeah it is. I haven’t read a single page of a book since they took me off Adderall and I was loving reading too! I haven’t been able to do anything at a “good time” because I’m either anxious about forgetting and show up an hour early or I DO forget and get yelled at for being noncompliantwith treatment. The hampster wherl thought tornado is neverending and I don’t know genuinely if its hampster or hamster probably because of a porn site at that!!!!
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Dx: PTSD, BPD, eating disorder of ever changing presentation, bipolar
Rx: Tegretol, Topamax, and tacos

On the other hand, you have different fingers
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  #17  
Old Sep 25, 2025, 03:34 PM
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I am literally incapable of making therapy worthwhile now so why bother going? Why bother with any mental health appointments or ANYTHING if no one is keeping me on track and nothing productive gets done!?!?!
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“⁠Can you understand? Someone, somewhere, can you understand me a little, love me a little?” — Sylvia Plath

Dx: PTSD, BPD, eating disorder of ever changing presentation, bipolar
Rx: Tegretol, Topamax, and tacos

On the other hand, you have different fingers
Hugs from:
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  #18  
Old Sep 25, 2025, 03:55 PM
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I miss Adderall and clonidine or my old meds listed in my signature because somehow the bipolar mania AND the ADHD were kept in check even though I wasn't on ADHD meds...go figure that one out, psych med genuises!?
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There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
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Old Sep 25, 2025, 03:57 PM
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I'm at least even reading some now, but it's NOT easy at all! I finally finished my first library book since I got released from the psych hospital last night!
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There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
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  #20  
Old Sep 25, 2025, 04:05 PM
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My bipolar and ADHD were in check when I was on ADHD meds, but because I started losing weight MONTHS BEFORE BEING PUT ON ADDERALL DURING MY ANNUAL FLARE OF EATING DISORDER FOR THE HOLIDAYS and did not STOP losing weight after starting it, I can't take adderall because "it causes anorexia"

But I can take Depakote if "it causes bulimia" (by fking up my liver)
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Dx: PTSD, BPD, eating disorder of ever changing presentation, bipolar
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On the other hand, you have different fingers
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Old Sep 25, 2025, 04:10 PM
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I loved Adderall too much...it kept the bipolar speeded up, but not as sped up as I currently am on lithium, dekapote, a ton of Seroquel (quetiapine), and guanafacine! I'm barely even exercising right now...I only walked 1 mi. this morning.

ED is happy, but my body needs food to function...? My family needs to eat, and I don't ever feel very hungry now? Compared to in the past I have always been quite ravenous on psych meds but never overweight (fast metabolism trigger by exercise?). I've always eaten and cooked meals for my family...never fasted by choice given I had a very severe ED...
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Old Sep 26, 2025, 10:51 AM
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I just want it to stop already! It's so hard to stay on-task with every little thing I do!
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There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
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Old Sep 26, 2025, 03:20 PM
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I'm starting to focus on things like I've got to live my own life...you know, just be okay with random interruptions all DAY by 3 cats/1 stray cat for food/treats/want to go outside or come back in...focus focus...I have to snack on cheese all day because I crave it so much and be OK with my weight (at least the ED is happy on these meds)...and I need to drink water as well because it's healthy and better for me that coffee or soda! I did some minor exercise this morning though and exercise has long helped me cope with my life...

I have to give consideration to my actual family and not talk psych shyt 24/7 to them so I can hear about their lives too like H's work and my daughter's high school & volunteer work!

Maybe I'm superwoman!
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There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
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Old Sep 27, 2025, 09:26 AM
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I wonder if the guanfacine is helping the ADHD stuff some...I mean, I actually drove to the grocery store & back home without wrecking our ancient 21 year old car...! Of course, each way is a very easy non-stressful 5 min. drive from my house. I also went first thing Saturday morning before the store got crowded and it was easier to be distracted...I mean, I only forgot aroun 4-5 items on my list, but I'm trying to keep in mind I have limited/small refrigerator space due to owning a house built in the 1950s or 1960s...! And I've got to feed a family and stuff, serve them things like salad, vegetables, and fruit with each meal (not just CHEESE, my ongoing food craving). H likes meat with every meal as well. It's probably also been good for me I'm eating some of this salad/meat stuff once I have it prepared, especially for dinner which we always all eat together.
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There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
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Old Sep 27, 2025, 05:55 PM
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Some hyperfocus these past few days; I've nearly finished an entire library book in 2 DAYS! But it feels glad that I CAN focus enough to read albeit with tons of interruptions each day; I am making steady progress on a book and actually comprehending and enjoying on of my favorite authors again!
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There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
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