Pressure to Socialize and Question over Dating

I don’t appreciate this current trend of advice I’ve received from loved ones over joining social groups, clubs, or otherwise expanding my social network as a cure-all for my treatment-resistant depression. This is one of many instances where so-called well-intentioned people just want to conform me to their narrow worldview. They also expect too much out of me when various social groups and people have led me to a bad state mentally in the first place. Plus, my current obligations (buying a house, Chron’s and Spravato treatments, my occupation) already leave me drained with no time left to socialize. Before continuing, please don’t suggest that I’m anti-social, autistic/neurodiverse, mentally ill, etc. Life is too overwhelming and difficult to receive additional labels that serve to blame me for my problems. Besides, I already have several good friends who I frequently talk to that I’ve known for over 10 years, even though they live at least 2 and a half hours away from me. My coworkers have also become my friends, and I’ve hung out with quite a few of them outside work throughout the 3 years I’ve been with my current job. I just want to embrace the friends and family I have now, rather than stretch myself thin over people who don’t care about me. However, the people I love think I should meet new people even when it’s too much right now. Here are some examples:

I stopped texting/calling my aunt for advice after 10-15 years of doing so. We have similar faiths which are important to us, but religious organizations in the past have caused harm to my mental health. My aunt thinks I should try another faith-based organization despite my bad experiences but I disagree. In addition, my dad got mad at me when I turned down similar advice from him.

The medical group that currently gives me doses of Spravato for depression thinks I should try meetup.com and organizations that share my interests. One of my friends supports this advice to meet women. I’m comfortable in crowds for concerts but I don’t like socializing in groups. Like the religious groups I referred to earlier, people in groups tend to get competitive for social status and allow one person to dominate social situations. In my experience, people will use just about any excuse to find faults with me in things I say/do, or anything that is different from prevailing attitudes and personal characteristics in groups. It’s also a wasted effort when people in general are busy like me.

The worst advice I’ve received as a single person is to try dating. My previous psychiatrist said I should try dating apps. The main psychologist in my current treatment team said to ditch the dating apps and emphasize in-person friendships and dating. However, she showed a double standard by still recommending a couple of apps. Both of these doctors failed to understand that I tend to take rejection personally, which has led to bad experiences with dating apps. I also think that women my age are either dating, married, or have issues that prevent them from forming meaningful connections. I had a girlfriend that I met on a recommended dating app for a while, but I broke up with her when she imposed unreasonable demands too soon over the physical aspects of love (hugs, holding hands, kisses) and personally insulted me for no good reason but gaslit to me about it later. But by golly, people still pressure me to date either through recommending dating apps, friend groups or showing off their SO’s and their babies on social media. My otherwise loving parents have also stopped supporting my singleness, calling me weird that I am single and expressed a newfound lack of desire in relationships or marriage. When I expressed that I was hurt by their words, they ended up saying that words don’t mean anything.

All of this goes to show that people think they know what’s best for me, but are really just arrogant idiots who want to impose their views on me.

Why are people so insistent about socializing when previous social groups have just made my depression worse? While I’m at it, am I really weird like my parents said for being single and with no desire to date/marry?

People love simple answers to complicated problems. “Join a group, find a partner, it’ll fix everything.” It’s less about your needs and more about their comfort—they don’t know how to sit with someone else’s pain, so they try to package it into something they recognize. The truth is, you already have what matters: long-standing friendships, connection at work, people who actually know you. That’s more than many. Wanting to protect your peace instead of stretching yourself thin isn’t weird, it’s clarity. Being single doesn’t make you broken. It just means you’re not settling for noise when what you need is quiet.