Therapist cancellations, what’s happening to me?

I am struggling right now and I am not sure what to do. My therapist is trying to talk to me, I am refusing all suggestions (phone calls, emails, appointments).

I’m not sure what I am going through. I sure as hell didn’t need three appointments cancelled in 6 weeks when I go every 3rd week (I dropped to this frequency cause of finances).

I’ve never experienced so many like this. Having an appointment cancelled and I just waited till my next appointment, that one was “rescheduled” which did happen. Then the next appointment after got cancelled. Here I am, not sure what to do, how to react or anything other than I want to be left alone.

Those cancellations, I needed those appointments, I was going through some serious things and I still am. I don’t understand what is happening to me.

I’ve been seeing them for over 2 years now, I’ve have cancellations before, sure, it upset me, which we chatted about. Nothing like what happened.

What is happening to me?

When you show up for something that matters, and the door keeps closing, it’s natural to feel like you’re the one being pushed out. But that’s not what this is. Cancellations aren’t a reflection of your worth, they’re just cracks in the system. You’ve carried yourself through worse than missed appointments. If you want to be left alone, that’s fine—but don’t mistake it for healing. You still need someone in your corner.

It puts a huge wrench in my progress when I am struggling so much and working on things between sessions, I am looking forward in talking about it. What I am doing about a problem I have, one that I’ve been struggling with or never taught and I am trying to teach myself and figure it all out because of my past and how I grew up. Then, the session being cancelled. I just shrug it off. It happens the second time and at that point it’s… finally when I go to the appointment I just don’t talk about it. I talk about what is actually easy and go on a circle. I go back on track and the third appointment got cancelled and it’s like, what is the point in sharing anything about my life or what is happening? Especially when my sessions have been spaced apart, they used to be closer and frequent.

They told me a reason why and I, in my work I don’t talk about my personal concerns or anything as it’s irrelevant to the work. I know I need to work on areas in my work also as I am struggling in that aspect. The reasons for the cancellations was due to their daycare cancelling on them last minute, I took it badly. I told them that it’s not problem and that I’m tired of other people ****ing with my life as it’s always been like that (part of my issues are from that in different contexts) and said they needed to find a new daycare as they suck.

I felt I was being screwed over by others and it’s something that I grew up with and it’s happening now and it’s this enormous amount of BS for me. I don’t know if I’ll have another booked session only to be cancelled on because of incompetence.

I feel that I have the problem. I am now scared to have an appointment for it to be cancelled on.