I Feel Suicidal

My daughter left me 7 years ago(religious beliefs). My wife left me again 7 months ago(called me a narcissist, therapist says I'm not). My son left me a week ago(he has coping skills issues). I had to kick him out for his behavior. He yells, curses, break things, and just stayed in his room playing video games(he's 25, college dropout). My brother refuses to talk to me, he's dealing with minor mental issues. I have no family.

I think I have dependent personality disorder. I'm really alone. I have my own business and struggling with the paperwork, and I'm behind on a lot of taxes and filings.

My house is cluttered and smelly. And thanks to my son, who has been in and out, I have a roach problem.

This is the 3rd time my wife has left me. She left again in April, about 7 months ago. We've been together for 34 years(Im 53, she's 50). She won't talk to me and is very angry when she does. She prefers to text, and she won't talk about us. Also, when she does talk it's like little codes and threats.

I'm scared, lonely, and depressed. I hide in my house. I check my mail at night. I'm embarrassed to be seen by my neighbors. I've always delt with a minor case of social anxiety. I just thought she was my forever. I'm scared. I was sitting on the couch and I felt my heart just stop, followed by a pain. It lasted for about 6 or 7 seconds.

Welcome to MSF @cutman2000 - sorry to hear you are struggling to deal with life's challenges. That must be very stressful.

It sounds like your son created a mess - that is not your fault.

If you are having trouble coping with the taxes and the housework, what do you think about the idea of getting a tax preparer and a house cleaner to help you get back to a stable place?

Hope you get the support you are looking for.

CANDC

[If you want me to see your reply to this post please include @CANDC in your message - not in requoting my message and not the first word of your message]

Thanks. I have a cpa(only does the annual corp filings) and a bookkeeper(she's new and trying to catch me up). I met a woman at a gas station, she was driving her decorated home cleaning business minivan, so I got her card.

Hey

Been there, and still have some low days.

My wife and I were together for 25ish years with a family. I just about lost my mind trying to hold everything together.

With regard to your wife, I’ll say these few things that were said to me.

You can’t beg someone to stay and beg them to change.

Is there anything you haven’t said or done that would change what’s happening? At some point you have to accept you’ve said it all.

You mentioned a therapist. I broached with mine if I had narcissistic personality disorder. She immediately said “no, because if you did you’d never self examine enough to question that”. It turns out my wife was the NPD, and I was the one twisted six ways from Sunday.

If you have codependency losing someone feels like you’re dying. Brother, you aren’t. Being alone in the peace is good. For about a year I had to fight against my urge to reconnect. I preferred being partnered to someone at almost any cost. Once the peace hits… My guy…. It’s so good. My house is silent. Right now it’s silent. No drama.

Get some meds to help. Keep talking to your therapist.

Start letting people go. The easiest way is to procrastinate. “I’ll call her later. I’ll text later. It’s late. I’ll text tomorrow.” Until the urges pass.

Hey, another thing I told myself was “it doesn’t have to be forever. Who knows what can happen?”

Don’t pursue ANYONE who isn’t pursuing you.

Start picking something to look forward too. I started with these ridiculous $8 Starbucks drinks. I’d treat myself, with my phone off and indulge.

That grew to treating myself to meals I wanted, at home or out.

Then some real self love began. I treated myself to care; a massage, some exercise equipment

In time it will be self interests.

Please talk to a doctor and your therapist. Please seek out more help.

RDMercer