Roll Call 203

Hello, enjoy the new Roll Call

I’m heading to my interview in a little over an hour from now.

Good luck!

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They said if they pick me they’ll call me for a second interview

My sleep the past week from my Fitbit

@Desoxyn I left you a message on the other roll call in case you missed it. I would really appreciate your feedback.

Hope you get it!

I’m gonna have to go back on a lower dose of Thorazine. So instead of 400mg, 200mg. Cause I literally cannot sleep more than 3-4 hours a night without it entirely.

So my meds now are:

30mg abilify, 1500mg trileptal, 150mg Zoloft, and 200mg Thorazine.

I was hoping for a much more simplified med regime however sleep is very important and I can not sleep without the Thorazine. I’ve tried on countless occasions and it always results in me going days without sleeping or only sleeping 2-4 hours a night and waking up wide awake around 3am.

I am off propranolol though since my doctor asked if I still needed it and I said no cause I rarely took it since it was a as needed med.

If things workout with the abilify increase maybe we won’t have to change the trileptal to lamictal id really like to avoid that after he told me about the rare but life threatening Stephen’s Johnson syndrome you can get on lamictal.

So the goal now is to just stay on the meds as they are. I start the increased abilify dose tomorrow 30mg.

I hate meds but I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle with trying to get off them because I literally cannot function without them.

The Vraylar is working again! It stopped working for almost a week when I doubled the dose.

I'll reply to some peoples posts here give me one sec... =]

20mg of diazepam is a pretty normal dose - It is high enough to cause panic attacks during withdrawal (I take 2.5-5mg PRN, no problems). Even if you were on it for a few years (Surely not 5-10 years), there should be no damage to your mind... Your psychiatrist shouldn't have put you on 30mg of Zyprexa (Cuz I think 20mg is the Max dose - And even 20mg is way too high and not worth the weight gain etc..)..

Thing is, I had 2-3 hour panic attack too (From overdosing on psychedelics in 2016-2017) - I had to take 1-3mg of lorazepam to kill the dissociation etc, calm down, and fall asleep.. Usually panic attacks resolve themselves - But I was afraid of my brain getting used to them.. The massive dose of olanzepine could have reduced neural connectivity in your brain, continuing your chronic anxiety (Or cognitive exercises for anxiety weren't practiced enough while on the lorazepam/diazepam - It's usually only advised to take benzos as PRN, otherwise anxiety gets worse long term).

I was put on 10mg of olanzepine, and it really helped for anxiety (More than benzos - Because it was over activated serotonin 2A receptors from psychedelics/involved in schizophrenia and depersonalization/derealization). I eventually was cured, and stopped taking olanzepine.

I wouldn't worry about damage to GABA receptors (Cuz the symptoms are the same as chronic anxiety) - It can depend on the dose (About 5 months - to a few years, or even very rapidly for some people - Taking one benzo can even change the brain chemistry in a bad way for many days or weeks/But it's not noticeable unless you're looking for those symptoms or perceptive distortions in reality). Damage to GABA receptors can also be determined by any other medications that you would have been taking, or still are on right now. Balance is important, and listening to your mind, body, spirit.

Here's some things that can help with anxiety;

"Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): This is a highly effective form of therapy for anxiety disorders. It helps individuals understand and change their thought patterns and behaviors that contribute to anxiety.

Mindfulness and Meditation: Practices such as mindfulness meditation can reduce anxiety by helping individuals stay present and reduce overthinking.

Exercise: Regular physical activity can improve mood and reduce anxiety through the release of endorphins.

Lifestyle Changes: Maintaining a healthy diet, getting adequate sleep, and reducing caffeine and alcohol intake can positively impact anxiety levels.

Stress Management Techniques: Techniques such as deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, and yoga can help manage stress and anxiety."

^ These things really work for me - A few years ago, people didn't take this stuff seriously - But now the cosmic, spiritual energies have infiltrated into our collective consciousness, and more people will be meditating and such, learning more, and trying to be healthy - By helping each other, awaken...

Beta blockers are also underestimated in their effectiveness for treating anxiety (Propranolol and atenolol) - I take 50mg of atenolol every 12 hours - Helps with the shakes, decreases heart rate, physical anxiety, adrenaline in the chest, freaking out etc - If you're on a beta blocker (And you're not having dissociation), anxiety can be good for you.. Better than slow thoughts from weed for example, means you're smart and can worry enough, use that to your advantage if you tweak your thoughts enough, like a super power.

But really, you have a lot of anxiety conditions, you're super anxious... It can be fixed though with the right meds and decisions in life... Hugs though, I hope it gets better soon (:

I think your bf is just trying to help in his own way BB - To understand each other is important, cuz you both have different views - He was in the army so he's seen the world, how since mental illness is caused by all of that destruction - That love is the cure, not the fear.. Of all types of war, etc.

But you get mania - And that's important.. You definitely need meds for that - Even with hypomania - It's just not sustainable to be that way cuz we have to be rational with our thoughts and mood in order to survive.. No hedonic pleasure seeking and recklessness etc - But it will happen anyways for people - It's a mess out there... You could learn to manage it but it usually always leads to suicidal thoughts - And psychedelics would definitely bring up trauma and lead to more suicidal thoughts (Since psychedelic psychotherapy in a safe and controlled setting should be the only situation where you'd do that - And those centres will pop up eventually).

Stick to the meds, laugh with him about it - He's an insane person. You're both insane in fact, like all peoples.

I am the only one that is not insane o.-

Yes, I'm going to ask my therapist to meet every week instead of just once a month, to start cbt. My psychiatrist didn't prescribe the Zyprexa, I was just taking 30 mgs of it along with other sedating meds to sleep bc I was in a mixed episode. I was prescribed 20 though.

In the hospital they gave me 30 mgs and I think they thought this is going to knock her out and I was still just full of panic and insomnia. That's when they held me.

When I saw the psychiatrist that was making the rounds in the morning he said Zyprexa just quit working for me. But then I saw another psychiatrist and she just kept really looking at me and she decided I needed to be admitted and I couldn't leave on my own.

About the beta blockers, I've asked my psychiatrist to switch me to trileptal instead of Depakote and he won't do it. My psychiatrist is pretty cold and it's hard to talk to him. He intimidates me.

How would you go about getting off some of these meds? I'm afraid of those 4-5 hour long panic attacks again. But my cognition has gotten so bad that some days I don't even remember what I watched earlier in the day. I have word salad. I used to be able to read 5 books at a time. I used to out debate people. I was Hella intelligent. I'm really scared that I'm on the verge of dementia. I'm just in a horrible situation. I'd be embarrassed to tell you how many meds I'm on. I can tell you 2 mgs of klonipin and 2700 mgs of gabapentin. 3 mgs of invega and 3 mgs cogentin. I'm just at a loss..

Also after the panic attacks, my nose would run and my eyes would water for like an hour and a half. It was really strange.

Yeah you’re right, I think he just has a different viewpoint than me but I don’t think it is something will wreck things. It’s not like he tells me to stop my meds or anything he’s supportive either way.

Had a pretty good day. Started the increased dose of abilify so now I'm at 30mg. I took a nap in the morning after it kicked in. Spending time working through my music theory workbook. Trying to make time everyday for music theory, violin practice, ukulele practice, exercise and meditation. I meditated for 30 minutes today. I skipped exercising today, I gave myself grace because I just started the increased abilify and was tired.

I'm still trying to find a job, I applied to more today. We'll see what comes of it. Hopefully I hear something next week.

You're an inspiration! I really admire everything you are striving fo. Keep up the great ambition!

My son is doing so much better with this new place. He walked to the gym and had a great workout. He slept for 14 hours! Before that he was only sleeping like 5 hours before.

I'm hoping the visit goes well. I have a really hard time walking bc I have a really bad back. It gets boring just staying in my apartment. I'm in between Dr's right now bc where I was going stopped taking medicaid. I was hoping to get a walker that has a seat on it so we could go and see things we haven't seen in years. They reded a huge park here. We were looking forward to go do that. There were a lot of things we can't do bc of my back, it sucks.

So when he comes we usually just listen to music we can compromise on. If we start watching a movie, he gets up and says he doesn't want to watch it. I think I'm just going to have to buy a walker like that. Hopefully this summer we'll be able to do some fun things.

Thank you! That means a lot to me

Glad your son is doing better, sleep is really good. I hope you’re able to get the walker you need!

So far today I’ve meditated for 30 minutes, studied music theory for 45 minutes, and got on the treadmill for 45 minutes. All that’s left to do today is practice violin for an hour, practice ukulele for an hour and a half, shower, and organize my apartment a bit.

I have a bad cough, I thought it was allergies but now I think I’m getting sick, I hope it’s not Covid again

I fell asleep for 2 hours after doing the treadmill for 45 min and when the abilify kicked in. It felt good. I just ate lunch now I’m just trying to get the motivation to do the rest of the stuff I have planned today. I know it’s not good to rely on motivation though because most of the time you get motivated after actually starting something. I have a bad habit of procrastinating a ton but I’m trying to work on that.

I have my volunteer shifts with the rescue kitties tomorrow and Monday

I’m doing an adult summer reading challenge thing with my library. They have a website if youre a patron and can sign up for and log books with and at the end of it they randomly give out 9 gift cards to random customers participants

Also going to an adult coloring night they have there this coming Tuesday

I slept really good last night. Probably the best sleep I’ve gotten in weeks. I have my volunteer shift with the kitties today.

I seem to be doing a lot better on the abilify increase

This is really interesting. Last night I got the highest sleep score I’ve ever gotten on my Fitbit. Normally I get around a 60 to 75 at most. I got a 91 which is excellent. That’s the first time I’ve gotten an excellent score in the 5 years I’ve been using it. And the stress management score is also the best I’ve ever gotten in all the years I’ve been using it.

The only things I can think of that are different are that I exercised yesterday, I started the max dose of abilify, I’ve been meditating everyday for 30 minutes, and I’ve been doing other stress relieve stuff and I stopped having caffeine two weeks ago